Hemmelig Microsoft progamkode

[AssKicR]

Subject: *** TOP SECRET MICROSOFT CODE *** Project:  Version - Windows 95



Microsoft marketing strategy (MARKET.EXE):



#include

#include

#include  /* Microsoft Network Connectivity library */ 

#include  /* For the court of law */



#define say(x) lie(x)

#define computeruser ALL_WANT_TO_BUY_OUR_BUGWARE 

#define next_year soon

#define the_product_is_ready_to_ship   another_beta_version



void main()

{

if (latest_window_version>one_month_old)

{

 if (there_are_still_bugs)

 	market(bugfix);

 if (sales_drop_below_certain_point)

 	raise(RUMOURS_ABOUT_A_NEW_BUGLESS_VERSION); 

}

while(everyone_chats_about_new_version) 

{

 make_false_promise(it_will_be_multitasking); /* Standard Call, in lie.h */

 if (rumours_grow_wilder)

 	make_false_promise(it_will_be_plug_n_play); 

 if (rumours_grow_even_wilder)

 {

 	market_time=ripe;

 	say("It will be ready in one month); order(programmers,

 	stop_fixing_bugs_in_old_version);

 	order(programmers, start_brainstorm_about_new_version);

 	order(marketingstaff, permission_to_spread_nonsense); vapourware=TRUE;

 	break;

 }

}

switch (nasty_questions_of_the_worldpress) 

{ 

 case WHEN_WILL_IT_BE_READY:

 	say("It will be ready in", today+30_days," we're just testing");

 	break;

 case WILL_THIS_PLUG_AND_PLAY_THING_WORK: say("Yes it will work");

 	ask(programmers, why_does_it_not_work); pretend(there_is_no_problem);

 	break;

 case WHAT_ARE_MINIMAL_HARDWARE_REQUIREMENTS:

 	say("It will run on a 8086 with lightning speed due to"

   + " the 32 bits architecture");

 	inform(INTEL, "Pentium sales will rise skyhigh");

   inform(SAMSUNG, "Start a new memorychip plant"

   + "cos all those customers will need at least 32 megs");

 	inform(QUANTUM, "Thanks to our fatware your sales will triple");

 	get_big_bonus(INTEL, SAMSUNG, QUANTUM);

 	break;

 case DOES_MICROSOFT_GET_TOO_MUCH_INFLUENCE:

 	say("Oh no, we are just here to make a better world for everyone");

 	register(journalist, Big_Bill_Book); 

 	when(time_is_ripe) 

 	{

   arrest(journalist);

   brainwash(journalist);

   when(journalist_says_windows95_is_bugfree) 

   {

   	order(journalist, "write a nice objective article");

   	release (journalist);

   }

 	}

 	break;

}

while (vapourware)

{

 introduction_date++; /* Delay */

 if (no_one_believes_anymore_there_will_be_a_release) 

 	break;

 say("It will be ready in",today+ONE_MONTH); }

 release(beta_version)

 while (everyone_is_dumb_enough_to_buy_our_bugware) 

 {

 	bills_bank_account += 150*megabucks;

 	release(new_and_even_better_beta_version);

 	introduce(more_memory_requirements);

 	if (customers_report_installation_problems) 

 	{

   say("that is a hardware problem, not a software problem"); 

   if (smart_customer_says_but_you_promised_plug_and_play)

   {

   	ignore(customer);

   	order(microsoft_intelligence_agency,

     "Keep an eye on this bastard");

   }

 	}

 	if ( bills_bank_account>skyhigh && marriage>two_years ) 

 	{

   divorce(woman_that_was_beatifull_when_I_married_her);

   wave(dollars, at_lusty_chicks);

   marry(young_blond_virgin_with_big_boobies);

   devirginize(young_blond_virgin_with_big_boobies); 

   if (boobies_start_to_hang)

         dump(young_blond_virgin_with_big_boobies); 

 	}

 	if (there_is_another_company)

 	{

   steal(their_ideas);

   accuse(compagny, stealing_our_ideas); 

   hire(a_lot_of_lawyers); /* in process.h */ 

   wait(until_other_company_cannot_afford_another_lawsuit);

   buy_out(other_company);

 	}

 }

 /* Now everyone realizes that we sell bugware and they are all angry at us */

 order(plastic_surgeon, make_bill_look_like_poor_bastard);

 buy(nice_little_island); 

 hire(harem);

 laugh_at(everyone,

 	for_having_the_patience_year_after_year_for_another_unfinished_version);

}

}

    

    

void bugfix(void)

{

charge (a_lot_of_money)

if (customer_says_he_does_not_want_to_pay_for_bugfix) 

{

 say("It is not a bugfix but a new version");

 if (still_complaints)

 {

 	ignore(customer);

 	register(customer, big_Bill_book);

 	/* We'll get him when everyone uses Billware!!*/ 

 }

}

}

[sim]

denne har da vært postet før og derfor burde dette bli ansett som spam (i likhet med alle AssKicR's andre poster )

[Gjest Slettet-QqZexW9o]

denne har da vært postet før og derfor burde dette bli ansett som spam (i likhet med alle AssKicR's andre poster )

 

Jeg hadde ikke sett den før og synes AssKicR poster mye bra