Den nye Forumkaféen

[Zapticon]

Den kan ikkje kallast ein vits, berre lureri

[fargoth]

Bare å lese de siste 3-4 setningene, resten er bare fyllstoff.

[Ballus]

Marlboro, det samme skjedde med min, men har heldigvis 5-6 ekstra.

[Ballus]

Lars, you just wasted 1 minute of my life.

[L4r5]

Nei L4rs, du har ALT for lange vitser. Sånn er det bare. Den hadde sikkert passa på Du skal høre Mye kl 03 på natta på NRk1 i reprise.

Bedre nå?

“So let me get this straight,” the prosecutor says to the defendant, “you came home from work early and found your wife in bed with a strange man.”

“That’s correct,” says the defendant.

“Upon which,” continues the prosecutor, “you take out a pistol and shoot your wife, killing her.”

“That’s correct,” says the defendant.

“Then my question to you is, why did you shoot your wife and not her lover?” asked the prosecutor.

“It seemed easier,” replied the defendant, “than shooting a different man every day!”

[L4r5]

Lars, you just wasted 1 minute of my life.

Om du blei fornærma så kan vi sloss om det.

Gå ut og gjør deg klar. Har jeg ikke kommet om fem minutter så kan du begynne aleine.

[Zapticon]

- Kor mange stadear bur ein bjørn i løpet av livet?

 

- I 10 hi.

 

- Ikkje le!

[Ballus]

Om du blei fornærma så kan vi sloss om det.

Gå ut og gjør deg klar. Har jeg ikke kommet om fem minutter så kan du begynne aleine.

Neh, jeg ser slaget som tapt allerede.

 

 

*løpe ut i sola*

[langkaas]

Den var dårlig.

[Zapticon]

Den var dårlig.

Men denne er bra:

 

To fyllebøtter satt i en bar da den ene begynte å fornærme den andre:

 

- Jeg har ligget med moren din! ropte han. Det ble helt stille i baren, og alle ventet på hva den andre ville gjøre. Førstemann satte i gang med å rope igjen:

 

- Jeg har ligget med moren din, sier jeg! Den andre kikket opp og sa: - Gå hjem nå, far, du er full!

[L4r5]

Advarsel:

Bytex og andre som ikke liker å lese vil ikke like denne:

 

 

 

No one believes seniors...everyone thinks they are senile. An Elderly couple were celebrating their sixtieth anniversary. The couple had married as childhood sweethearts and had moved back to their old neighborhood after they retired.

 

Holding hands they walked back to their old school. It was not locked, so they entered, and found the old desk they'd shared, where Andy had carved "I love you, Sally."

 

On their way back home, a bag of money fell out of an armored car, practically landing at their feet. Sally quickly picked it up, but not sure what to do with it, they took it home. There, she counted the money--fifty-thousand dollars.

 

Andy said, "We've got to give it back."

 

Sally said, "Finders keepers." She put the money back in the bag and hid it in their attic.

 

The next day, two FBI men were canvassing the neighborhood looking for the money, and knock on the door. "Pardon me, but did either of you find a bag that fell out of an armored car yesterday?" Sally said, "No."

 

Andy said, "She's lying. She hid it up in the attic." Sally said, "Don't believe him, he's getting senile."

 

The agents turn to Andy and began to question him. One says: "Tell us the story from the beginning."

 

Andy said, "Well, when Sally and I were walking home from school yesterday . "

 

The first FBI guy turns to his partner and says, "We're outta here."

 

 

[Sirslask]

Min lange vits er bedre enn din, Lars

 

Klikk for å se/fjerne innholdet nedenfor

There was this guy. He often went away on trips, far from home, Long trips. While this man was away on his trips, his wife would get very very dissatisfied. Thus, she cheated on him, but when he came back, she felt guilty, so she always told him. Well, after a while, the man got very frustrated with his wife's adultry, so he went to an adult toy shop. He looked around, but saw nothing special.

 

The man knew he needed something special, so he decided to tell the salesclerk. "I need something really amazing for my wife. All I see here are normal toys."

 

"Well, there is the voodoo dick, but I don't want to sell you THAT." replied the clerk.

 

"Let me see it anyway!" Answered the man.

 

The salesclerk took him into a room and pulled out a box. He opened the box, and inside was something that looked like a normal toy.

 

"That's not special!" cried the man.

 

"Ah, but look. Voodoo dick, THE DOOR." The dick in the box got up and began to hump the door.

 

"I'll take that, but how do you get it to stop?"

 

The salesclerk sold him the voodoo dick, then, said simply "Voodoo dick? The box."

 

So the man took voodoo dick back home to his wife and showed her how to get it to hump something. Then, he left for a trip.

 

The wife waited and waited and waited, but she couldn't stand her urges. She took out the voodoo dick and said "voodoo dick? My-" well, we know what she said. So, it was the best she had ever known, and she kept at it for about 3 hours. Then, she wanted it out. She pulled and pulled, but in vain, for her husband had forgotten to tell her about the little box trick. Finally, she decided to go to the hospital to get it out. She drove kind of wacky, well, because there was something in her. Finally, a police man pulled her over for her driving.

 

"But..." She told the police man of the voodoo dick, to get out of the ticket.

 

He laughed at her foolish story. "Voodoo dick my ass!" he cried.

[Zapticon]

Hehe, den var faktisk litt bra

 

Er igrunn litt fan av sånne drittdårlege vitsar eg, som er lett å le av kl 1 om natta.

 

Edit: Men Sirslask sin! Hahahaha! :!: Fantastisk!

Endret 31. juli 2008 av Zapticon

[langkaas]

For mye å lese for meg...

[Ville Vonca]

En kanin kommer inn i en klesbutikk og spør: "Har dere gulrøtter?"

"Nei. Her har vi nok bare klær", sa ekspeditøren. Kaninen gikk skuffet ut av butikken, men dagen etter var han tilbake med samme spørsmål: "Har dere gulrøtter?" Ekspeditøren blir lettere irritert og svarer: "Nei. Som sagt, her selger vi bare klær." Nok en gang måtte kaninen tusle skuffet ut av butikken. Neste dag var kaninen på plass igjen og spurte: "Har dere gulrøtter?" "Nei!", svarte ekspeditøren. " ... og kommer du tilbake og spør etter gulrøtter skal jeg spikre deg opp på veggen der!" Kaninen kom seg fort ut av butikken, men morgenen etter var han tilbake i butikken og spurte: "Har dere spikre?" Ekspeditøren: "Nei, her har vi da kun klær!" Kaninen: "Greit. Har dere gulrøtter, da?"

[Campin Carl]

Min lange vits er bedre enn din, Lars

 

Klikk for å se/fjerne innholdet nedenfor

There was this guy. He often went away on trips, far from home, Long trips. While this man was away on his trips, his wife would get very very dissatisfied. Thus, she cheated on him, but when he came back, she felt guilty, so she always told him. Well, after a while, the man got very frustrated with his wife's adultry, so he went to an adult toy shop. He looked around, but saw nothing special.

 

The man knew he needed something special, so he decided to tell the salesclerk. "I need something really amazing for my wife. All I see here are normal toys."

 

"Well, there is the voodoo dick, but I don't want to sell you THAT." replied the clerk.

 

"Let me see it anyway!" Answered the man.

 

The salesclerk took him into a room and pulled out a box. He opened the box, and inside was something that looked like a normal toy.

 

"That's not special!" cried the man.

 

"Ah, but look. Voodoo dick, THE DOOR." The dick in the box got up and began to hump the door.

 

"I'll take that, but how do you get it to stop?"

 

The salesclerk sold him the voodoo dick, then, said simply "Voodoo dick? The box."

 

So the man took voodoo dick back home to his wife and showed her how to get it to hump something. Then, he left for a trip.

 

The wife waited and waited and waited, but she couldn't stand her urges. She took out the voodoo dick and said "voodoo dick? My-" well, we know what she said. So, it was the best she had ever known, and she kept at it for about 3 hours. Then, she wanted it out. She pulled and pulled, but in vain, for her husband had forgotten to tell her about the little box trick. Finally, she decided to go to the hospital to get it out. She drove kind of wacky, well, because there was something in her. Finally, a police man pulled her over for her driving.

 

"But..." She told the police man of the voodoo dick, to get out of the ticket.

 

He laughed at her foolish story. "Voodoo dick my ass!" he cried.

 

Genial xD

[Zapticon]

For mye å lese for meg...

Betre å lesa eit langt bra innlegg, enn mange små dårlege

[L4r5]

Din er en klassiker, sirslaks. Bare at jeg er vant til å høre den på norsk.

[chokke]

En kanin kommer inn i en klesbutikk og spør: "Har dere gulrøtter?"

"Nei. Her har vi nok bare klær", sa ekspeditøren. Kaninen gikk skuffet ut av butikken, men dagen etter var han tilbake med samme spørsmål: "Har dere gulrøtter?" Ekspeditøren blir lettere irritert og svarer: "Nei. Som sagt, her selger vi bare klær." Nok en gang måtte kaninen tusle skuffet ut av butikken. Neste dag var kaninen på plass igjen og spurte: "Har dere gulrøtter?" "Nei!", svarte ekspeditøren. " ... og kommer du tilbake og spør etter gulrøtter skal jeg spikre deg opp på veggen der!" Kaninen kom seg fort ut av butikken, men morgenen etter var han tilbake i butikken og spurte: "Har dere spikre?" Ekspeditøren: "Nei, her har vi da kun klær!" Kaninen: "Greit. Har dere gulrøtter, da?"

Den fremførte vi i barnehagen .

 

Wøhøhøhøh, hei. Jeg er hjemme fra hytta. Den er blitt så fantastisk flott! 100 kvm istedet for 35 (70?) som den var før.

[Ballus]

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