Åpent brev til verdens notebook-produsenter

[Mr.Locke]

Jeg har gått endel år og irritert meg over en del ting, og derfor skrevet et åpent brev til alle verdens notebook-produsenter i en litt "kreativ" form. Vennligst spre budskapet over alt og send / epost det gjerne til de notebook-leverandørene dere kjenner til.

 

Brevet:

 

An open letter to all the notebook manufacturers in the world.

 

Greetings, my name is Lex Luthor - and I'm posting this letter as a warning to all

notebook manufacturers on this planet of my fourthcoming plans to cleanse our earth

of all irrational manufacturing choices that has haunted me throughout the years as

a guardian of humankinds legacy.

 

My goal is - and always has been to let the people of earth in on the gift of true

leadership under my own command. Such tasks demands alot of travelling on my

behalf, thus I'm always dependant on laptops - both as a instrument of mobility,

but also for stationary use in my wast selection of HQ's around the world.

 

This is where the problems rise to the surface, and this is how bad engineering has

turned fortune into misfortune too many times to count, all due to simple irrational

nonintelligent choices made by the notebook manufacturers on production-level.

 

The list below contains all of my demands to all the manufacturers in the world as

to engineering/design of notebooks, if these demands are not met within 1.1.2008 I

will unleash a virusplague that will not only kill off all the notebooks in the world

at a pre-BIOS lowlevel, but it will also infect all the engineers and designers with

a human virus that will effectively kill them aswell within a span of 72 hours.

 

My demands for ALL newly manufactured notebooks in the world as of 1.1.2008 - regardless of

production-company:

 

1: ALL notebooks must have the on/off switch avaivable on the OUTSIDE, this is to ensure

that one can turn one's laptop on/off without having to open it's lid. Any notebook with

the on/off button INSIDE the lid / by the keyboard is 100% useless as a desktop-replacement

(in a scenario where you use an external screen, keyboard and mouse and use the notebook as

a stationary).

Putting the on/off button on the outside ex. on the front of the notebook easily avaivable is

a simple design-altering with no or low cost, and people who place them inside really doesn't

deserve to live.

 

2: All notebooks must be able to wake up from USB activity (eg. mouse and/or keyboard). Again

this is to ensure when you use the notebook as a stationary with an external screen/keyboard/mouse, you will be able to wake it up from S3/S4 sleepstate with the click of your external mouse and/or keyboard easily, thus never having to even reach for the notebook itself physically.

Again, the lack of this should be punished with death upon those engineers who fail to realise how much simpler this would make life for the average user.

 

3: All notebooks must be able to turn on/off screen-stretch / 1:1 pixelmapping from either the BIOS-menu, or at hardware level with a simple button. Not all of us enjoy to watch blurred, stretched graphics and Windows loading-logos blown up in size on a LCD-panel that doesnt have that physical resolution it's trying to display stretched. It's a headache to watch e.g the Windows loading logo in 640x400 stretched to fullscreen on a 1280x800 panel all blurred up simply because LCD-panels can ONLY show its true 1:1 pixelmapped physical resolution sharp, everything else gets blurred.

Again, it's a no-cost implementation, and should be present as a choice for every notebook.

 

 

4: As of 1.1.2008. Audio in/out connectors on the FRONT of a notebook will lead to death-penalty, executed by my own military force Lexcommand delta. Nobody wants ugly wires showing in those cases they want to use they're laptop as a mediacenter in their livingroom (notebooks makes great mediacenters due to their slim looks, small size and low noise):

 

 

5: A notebooks is supposed to be quiet, not noisy nor fans that turns on/off with a jet-engine boost

every 5 minutes. Having a great notebook that produces noise is equal to not having a notebook at all, one could just as much go and buy a stationary from 1995 instead with the same noiselevel.

All manufacturers should make the ACPI/sensors for the fans, cpu-temp and gpu-temp avaivable to the system so that it is easy for 3rd party developers to engineer software to control fan-activity suited to everyones taste.

 

 

6: Huge fullscreen PRE/POST-BIOS logo's displaying the brand of the manufacturer is forbidden as of 1.1.2008. I see ad's in between TV-shows all the time, I don't want ad's on my notebooks startup-screen aswell. A fullscreen logo is just that: An Advertisement for the company that made the notebook. I don't have to sit and watch a "Philips" or "Sony" logo for 3-4 seconds every time i turn on my TV-set in my livingroom, so why should I have to watch it on my notebook/laptop? It's nothing but annoying and will just remind me over and over not to buy a notebook from that manufacturer next time i'm out shopping.

 

 

7: Volume: The soundvolume is one of the things a user on a notebook uses the most, especially when travelling and in need to adapt to the current enviroment, sometimes one need low sound to be a bit discrete waiting at the airport, while other times you want it on full sitting at home alone in your livingroom. A simple PHYSICAL volumewheel should be OBLIGATORY on ALL notebooks at the hardware-level, not some plain idiotic Fn+somebutton combination. Again: Simplicity is the key here. Do you see me, or anyone else push a Fn+functionbutton to lower/raise the volume on my TV? No. And why is that? It's because volume is a basic function and one of the most often used ones, plain and simple.

 

 

Look at those 7 demands, how hard is it to implement? Really? How much do does it cost? Nothing, and not hard at all. It requires no "more"/added design or parts, it just requires redesign of what's allready there.

 

Manufacturers who fail on those 7 marks really just want to make the lives of everyone hard, and has no place on this planet.

 

Meet my demands within 1.1.2008 - or I will unleash the virus upon the globe, consider yourself warned.

 

 

 

All the best - Regards,

 

Alexander Luthor

Endret 18. september 2007 av Mr.Locke

[eldavid]

Kunne ikke vert mer enig med deg, stå på!

[- Fear -]

Flere gode poenger her ja

[Mr.Locke]

Jeg glemte en ting: At alle maskiner som med automatisk "skru-av"/"sleepmode"-funksjon når man lukker lokket må ha denne skrudd helt av utenfor Windows, utallige ganger har det irritert meg når jeg skal resette maskinen, bare for at den skrur seg HELT AV fordi lokket er igjen (hvor jeg har slått av funksjonen i Windows, men hvor sleep-funksjonen er aktiv UTENFOR Windows på hardware-nivå).

 

Dvs. dermed umulig å RESTARTE laptop'en med lokket igjen, man MÅ åpne lokket for å kunne gjøre en restart/reboot. Idioti...

[Mr.Locke]

Noen burde lage en organisasjon på linje med ISO med en eller annen slags anti-idioti-design-serfitisering, med logo og hele pakka på linje med "laget for Vista" med teksten: "Denne maskinen er IKKE designet av idioter"

[Atald]

Flere gode poenger. Spesielt det med lyden har irritert meg mang en gang. Når jeg skrur av maskinen hjemme glemmer jeg ofte å skru av lyden, og når jeg da skur på maskinen på skolen i en time så er det irriterende at jeg må vente til Windows er oppe for å få senket lydnivået. Dette burde absolutt være unødvendig.