Litt humor på natta.

[Kina bill]

A discussion at an American airport, in the immigration office:

 

- Name?

 

- Muhjmatil Sahtamil.

 

- Sex?

 

- Three times a week.

 

- I mean: male or female?

 

- Doesn't matter...

[Dikky]

hehe

[Kina bill]

Englishman, Scotsman & Irishman in a bar discussing their teenage

daughter's

behaviour.

English bloke says;

" The other night I found a half smoked packet of cigarettes hidden under

the mattress in my daughters bedroom, and I was quite shocked because I

had

no idea she was smoking !!"

The Scottish bloke says;

" Well, the other night I found a half drunk bottle of vodka hidden in my

daughters wardrobe, and I was quite shocked because I had no idea she was

drinking !!"

The Paddy says;

" The other night I found a half used packet of 12 Durex hidden in my

daughters chest of drawers, and I was extremely shocked because I had no

idea she had a c*ck !!"

[Dikky]

ROFL

[salomo]

[Kina bill]

DANGEROUSLY POLITICALLY INCORRECT JOKES

 

Q. Why did God give men penises ?

A.. So we'd have at least one way to shut a woman up.

 

Q. What's the difference between a paycheck and your dick ?

A. You don't have to beg a woman to blow your paycheck.

 

Q. What's the best thing about a blow job ?

A. Ten minutes of silence.

 

Q. How is a woman like a laxative ?

A. They both irritate the shit out of you.

 

Q. What's worse than a male chauvinist pig ?

A. A woman that won't do what she's told.

 

Q. What's it called when a woman is paralysed from the waist down?

A. Marriage.

 

Q. Why are hangovers better than women ?

A. Hangovers will go away.

 

Q. What are the small bumps around a woman's' nipples for ?

A. Its Braille for "suck here".

 

Q. Why do most women pay more attention to their appearance than to

improving their minds ?

A. Because most men are stupid but few are blind.

 

Q. What does a 75 year old woman have between her breasts that a 25 year old doesn't ?

A. Her navel.

 

Q. Why do men die before their wives ?

A. They want to.

 

Q. Did you hear about the guy who finally figured out women ?

A. He died laughing before he could tell anybody.

 

Q. Whats the difference between a woman with pms and a pitbull ?

A. Lipstick.

 

Q. Why is a woman like a dog turd ?

A. The older it is, the easier it is to pick up.

 

Q. Why are women like screen doors ?

A. Once they get banged a few times they loosen up

 

Q. What's a wife ?

A. An attachment you screw on the bed to get the housework done.

 

Q. How do you make your wife scream for an hour after sex ?

A. Wipe your dick on the curtains

 

Q. What's the most active muscle in a woman ?

A. The penis

 

Q. Why do women have tits ?

A. So men will talk to them.

 

Q. What's the difference between a woman and a coffin ?

A. You come in one and go in the other.

 

Q. How do you make love to a fat chick ?

A. Have a wank in your hand then throw it at her.

 

Q. Why do women close their eyes during sex ?

A. They can't stand seeing a man have a good time.

 

Q. What's six inches long and two inches wide and drives women wild?

A. Money.

 

Q. What do you call a Playboy centre-fold who's a lesbian ?

A. Bitch.

 

Q. What are the three reasons why anal sex is better the vaginal sex?

A. It's warmer, it's tighter and it's more degrading to women.

 

Q. Why is a pussy like a warm toilet seat ?

A. They both feel good but you wonder who's been there before you.

 

Q. What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?

A. You can unscrew a light bulb

 

Q. Why do women have periods ?

A. They deserve them.

 

Q. Why did God make man first ?

A. He didn't want a woman looking over his shoulder.

 

Q. What do Kermit the frog and Roseanne Barrs' husband have in common?

A. They both enjoy fucking pigs.

 

Q. What do you call the useless piece of skin around a pussy ?

A. A woman.

 

Q. What's the definition of a male chauvinistic pig ?

A. A man who hates every bone in a woman's' body, except his own.

 

Q. If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag you, what

have you done wrong ?

A. Made her chain too long.

 

Q. Why was the woman crossing the road ?

A. Who cares! What's she doing out of the kitchen?

 

Q. How many women does it take to change a light bulb ?

A. None, they just sit there in the dark and bitch.

 

Q. What do you call a 300 pound woman ?

A. Fat.

 

Q. Why are hurricanes normally named after women ?

A. When they come they're wild and wet, but when they go they take

your house and car with them.

 

Q. What's the difference between your wife and your job ?

A. After 5 years your job will still suck.Q. Why did God create lesbians?

A. So feminists couldn't breed.

 

Q. Why did the army send so many women with pms to the Persian Gulf?

A. They fought like animals and retained water for 4 days.

 

Q. Why is a fat woman like a moped ?

A. They're both fun to ride, but you wouldn't want your friends to

see you on either.

 

Q. Why can't you trust woman ?

A. How can you trust something that bleeds for five days and doesn't die.

 

Q. Why do women rub their eyes when they get up in the morning ?

A. They don't have balls to scratch.

 

Q. What's the difference between a slut and a bitch?

A. A slut sleeps with everyone, a bitch sleeps with everyone Except you.

 

Q. How many men does it take to open a beer?

A. None. The bitch better have it open when she brings it to you!

 

Får ikke håpe noen premenstruelle damer har lest dette her. Premenstruell = 0 irone, tro meg!

 

Rune.

[JohndoeMAKT]

4 ganske bra der tror jeg.

Jeg så akkurat 2001 A space odyssey, man jeg forstod den ikke helt, kan noen forklare meg litt?

[Rikky]

Pappa til datteren som kom hjem fra kino - Var det en morsom film?

-Ja, jeg lo så jeg nesten tisset i hånden på Nils.

[Espen F]

jeg er ikke flau over å si det jeg.. jeg er som en baby mellom beina....

 

 

 

 

 

48cm og 3,5 kilo..

[en mann]

4 ganske bra der tror jeg.

Jeg så akkurat 2001 A space odyssey, man jeg forstod den ikke helt, kan noen forklare meg litt?

 

Mennesket skaper verden

 

Mennesket ødelegger verden.

[JohndoeMAKT]

4 ganske bra der tror jeg.

Jeg så akkurat 2001 A space odyssey, man jeg forstod den ikke helt, kan noen forklare meg litt?

 

Mennesket skaper verden

 

Mennesket ødelegger verden.

 

Han ene karen blir "drept" av Hal9000, og så slår han andre den av.

Så kjører han i lysfart i den lille shuttelen, og kommer en funky plass hvor han ser seg selv som gammel. Så slutter filmen.

 

Det skjer jo INGENTING den siste timen av filmen jo.

[DrDoogie]

Den siste delen av filmen bruker regisoeren paa aa fortelle deg at han har proevd syre.

[SnowDOG_]

hehehe

[JohndoeMAKT]

Mobber du Stanley Kubrick?

En at tidenes beste regissører.

Han forlot denne verden den syvende mars 1999, og jeg håper at kan ha litt mer respekt for de døde.

 

13 filmer fikk han lagd i hans 71 år lange liv, en er fullført etter hans død, og en er planlagt produsert senere.

Blandt disse er :

 

Eyes Wide Shut (1999) (also co-screenwriter, producer)

Full Metal Jacket (1987) (also co-screenwriter, producer)

The Shining (1980) (also co-screenwriter, producer)

Barry Lyndon (1975) (also screenwriter, producer)

A Clockwork Orange (1971) (also screenwriter, producer)

2001: A Space Odyssey (1968) (also co-screenwriter, producer, special effects)

Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb (1964)

Lolita (1962) (also co-screenwriter [uncredited])

Spartacus (1960)

Paths of Glory (1957) (also co-screenwriter)

The Killing (1956) (also screenwriter)

Killer’s Kiss (1955) (also screenwriter, cinematographer, editor, co-producer)

The Seafarers (1953) (also cinematographer)

Fear and Desire (1953) (also cinematographer, editor, producer)

Flying Padre (1951) (also screenwriter, cinematographer, producer)

Day of the Fight (1950) (also screenwriter, cinematographer, producer)

 

A.I. Artificial Intelligence (2001) (creator)

Napoleon

 

 

[en mann]

Eyes Wide Shut (1999) (also co-screenwriter, producer)

Veldig rar film. Lite interessant. Poenget var?

 

 

Full Metal Jacket (1987) (also co-screenwriter, producer)

Konge film. En av de bedre, men anbefaler Platoon foran den.

 

A Clockwork Orange (1971) (also screenwriter, producer)

Har ikke sett denne, men er ikke dette den sykeste, mest meningsløse filmen laget?

[Sivert]

A Clockwork Orange (1971) (also screenwriter, producer)

Har ikke sett denne, men er ikke dette den sykeste, mest meningsløse filmen laget?

 

jep ongdomsgjeng i stilongs som drikker melk og går runt og banker opp så og si all. Med mozart i bakgrunen

 

noe i den duren ja

[SnowDOG_]

Største møkka filmen eg noen gang har sett. Britiske idioter.

[starfish]

Største møkka filmen eg noen gang har sett. Britiske idioter.

 

Synes den var temmelig bra, jeg.

[Gjest Slettet-QqZexW9o]

4 ganske bra der tror jeg.

Jeg så akkurat 2001 A space odyssey, man jeg forstod den ikke helt, kan noen forklare meg litt?

De som ikke fikk med seg hva filmen handlet om med mening etc kan se denne flashen hvor alt blir forklart meget bra http://www.kubrick2001.com/

[JohndoeMAKT]

Den forklarte ganske mye ja.