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You know you are a redneck when

phnx85

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phnx85

phnx85

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You know you are a redneck when:

 

You can entertain yourself for more than an hour with a fly swatter.

You've ever been pumping gas and another customer asks you to check his oil.

You think the Bud Bowl is real.

Your dog goes "oink!"

You think the Nutcracker is something you did off the high dive.

Your mailbox is made out of old auto parts.

You know how to milk a goat.

Your kids have a three-day old Kool-Aid mustache.

Your TV gets 512 channels, but you go outside to use the bathroom.

You've ever stood outside a bathroom and heckled someone inside.

Turning on your lights involves pulling a string.

You have a refrigerator just for beer.

You come back from the dump with more than you took.

Your wife owns a camouflage nightie.

You've ever worn cowboy boots with Bermuda shorts.

You don't think baseball players spit and scratch too much.

You think the Styrofoam cooler is the greatest invention of all time.

You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree to relieve yourselves.

The most common phrase heard in your house is, "Somebody go jiggle the handle."

You can't take a nap without at least one hand tucked inside your pants

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Your house still has the "WIDE LOAD" sign on the back.

Your sister is the third generation of women in your family to conceive a baby as a result of an alien abduction.

Last year you hid Easter eggs under cow pies.

You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.

You think a woman who is "out of your league" bowls on a different night.

You have lost at least one tooth opening a beer bottle.

Jack Daniels makes your list of "Most Admired People".

Your dog can't watch you eat without getting sick.

You think the winter olympic sport of curling is part of the "Big Hair" competition.

You think that beef jerky and Moon Pies are two of the major food groups.

You stare at an orange juice container because it says, "CONCENTRATE".

YOUR IDEA OF HIGH-QUALITY ENTERTAINMENT IS A SIX-PACK AND A BUG-ZAPPER.

You never learned to swim because your gene pool is too small.

Your whole family is Democrats except little Mary. She got to readin.

Your brother-in-law is your uncle AND your grandfather.

Taking your wife on a cruise means circling the Dairy Queen.

You ever won first prize in a tobacco spittin contest.

You believe dual air bags refer to your wife and mother-in-law.

You've got more than one brother named 'Darryl'.

You think the OJ Trial is a Sunkist and Minutemaid taste test.

You were acquitted for murdering your first wife after she threw out your Elvis 45's.

You think watching professional wrestling is foreplay.

Your front porch collapses and four dogs git killed.

You no longer drink wine ever since the screw cap got cought up your nose.

You think that Dom Perignon is a mafia leader.

You prominently display a gift you bought at Graceland.

That billboard that says, "SAY NO TO CRACK" reminds you to pull up your jeans.

Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.

You go to your family reunion looking for a date.

You think a Volvo is part of a woman's anatomy.

Your Junior/Senior Prom had a Daycare.

You've got more than three cousins named 'Bubba'.

YOU'VE EVER COME HOME AND FOUND CRIME SCENE TAPE ACROSS YOUR FRONT PORCH.

You think the last words to The Star Spangled Banner are "Gentlemen, start your engines."

Your child's first words were "Attention K-Mart shoppers!"

You carried a fishing pole into Sea World.

You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off it's wheels.

Your huntin dawg had a litter of puppies in the living room and nobody noticed.

You thought that Arkansas rest stop was the nicest destination resort ever.

You think safe sex is a padded headboard.

You think subdivision is part of a math problem.

You can get dog hair from your belly button.

You have a bumper sticker that says, "MY MOTHER'S AN HONOR STUDENT AT SOUTH LITTLE ROCK JR. HIGH."

You take a six-pack cooler to church.

Your family tree has no forks.

You have refused to watch the Academy Awards since "Smokey and the Bandit" was snubbed for best picture.

The Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your wife.

You had to remove a toothpick for your wedding pictures.

You use a weedeater in your living room.

You consider your license plate personalized because your dad made it in prison.

You have a rag for a gas cap.

The blue book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas it has in it.

The third grade teacher says little Buba could be a mathmatical genius because he's got thirteen fingers.

Fifth grade was the best six years of your life.

You have to go outside to get something out of the 'fridge.

A seven course meal is a bucket of KFC and a sixpack.

One of your kids was born on a pool table.

You have spray painted your girlfriend's name on an overpass.

Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.

Someone asks to see your ID and you show them your belt buckle.

Your dad walks you to school because you are both in the same grade.

Mailpouch sends you Christmas cards.

Your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does.

You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.

You have flowers planted in a bathroom fixture in your front yard.

On your first date you had to ask your Dad to borrow the keys to the tractor.

You think the Mountain Men in Deliverance were just "misunderstood".

If you refer to the fifth grade as, "your senior year".

Three quarters of the clothes you own have LOGOS on them.

Your `huntin dawg' cost more than the truck you drive him around in.

Your belt buckle weighs more than three pounds.

You've been to a funeral and there were more pick-ups than cars.

You just bought an 8-track player to put in your truck.

You've ever climbed a water tower with a bucket of paint to defend your sister's honor.

It's easier to spray weed killer on your lawn than mow it.

You think the three primary colors are John Deere Green, Ford Blue, and Primer Gray.

Your pickup has a two-tone paint job -- primer red and primer gray.

Ya can't get married to yer sweetheart cause there is a law against it.

You've been on TV more than 5 times describing the sound of a tornado.

The beer can collection in the town museum is the big tourist attraction.

You dated your daddy's current wife in high school.

Your aunt and your grandmother went to the funeral and had a fight over who gets to be the widow.

You can tell your age by the number of rings in the bathtub.

You can change the oil in your truck without ducking your head.

During your senior year you and your mother had homeroom together.

You're a lite beer drinker 'cause you start drinkin beer when it gets light.

< You think the stock market has fence around it.

Your stereo speakers used to belong to the Moonlight Drive-in Theater.

You own a homemade fur coat.

Your entire family has ever sat around waiting for a call from the Governor to spare a loved one.

Your wife has ever said, "Come move this transmission so I can take a bath."

YOU REFER TO THE TIME YOU WON A FREE CASE OF MOTOR OIL AS "THE DAY MY SHIP CAME IN."

Your wife's job requires her to wear an orange vest.

You have the local taxidermist's number on speed dial.

On Thanksgiving Day you have to decide which pet to eat.

Your school fight song is "Dueling Banjos".

You think "taking out the trash" means taking your in-laws to a movie.

Your coffee table used to be a cable spool.

You got Clapper devices controling the appliances in your house.

You hammer bottle caps into the frame of your front door to make it look nice.

The Home Shopping operator recognizes your voice.

The taillight covers of your car are made of red tape.

You have every episode of Hee-Haw on tape.

You've ever been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog.

The KKK kicked you out for being a bigot.

Your kids take a siphon hose to "Show and Tell."

Your father executes the "pull my finger" trick during Christmas dinner.

You think a hot tub is a stolen bathroom fixture.

The gas pedal on your car is shaped like a bare foot.

You think a turtleneck is a key ingredient for soup.

You think the French Riviera is a foreign car.

Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.

You've ever had to scratch your sisters name out of a message that begins, "For a good time time call..."

All of your four letter words are two syllables.

You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.

Your honeymoon was in Little Rock.

You do your serious Christmas shopping at a truck stop.

Anyone in your family died right after saying, "Hey, y'all watch this!".

You think God looks a lot like Hank Williams, Jr., and heaven looks a lot like Daytona Beach, Florida.

The FBI surrounded your trailer park twice so far this year.

You have the word "howdy" in your answering machine message.

You wish your outhouse was as nice as those at the state park.

You've painted a car with house paint.

You're banned from the Little Rock Zoo because you disturb the monkeys.

You ever named a child after a dog.

You think a stock tip is advice on worming' your hogs.

You have more belt-buckles than pants.

You removed the back seat from your car so all yer kids could fit in.

You think taking a bubble bath starts with eating beans for dinner.

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