To historier for (og av?) ingeniører

[DargarWhiteFang]

Fikk faktisk begge to bare minuttene fra hverandre til min epost, og jeg er heldigvis skånt for de fleste "forwards".. Disse to var derimot bare så bra at jeg følte trang til å dele de med flest mulig... Da var vel OT-Baren et bra sted...

 

Understanding Engineers - Take One

 

Two engineering students were biking across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"

The second engineer replied,

"Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."

 

The second engineer nodded approvingly and said,

"Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway."

 

 

 

Understanding Engineers - Take Two

 

To the optimist, the glass is half full.

To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.

To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

 

 

 

Understanding Engineers - Take Three

 

A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with those blokes? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!"

The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!"

The priest said, "Here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him."

He said, "Hello, George! what's wrong with that group ahead of us?

They're rather slow, aren't they?"

 

The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind fire fighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."

 

The group fell silent for a moment.

The priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."

The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything he can do for them."

The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"

 

 

Understanding Engineers - Take Four

 

What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers?

 

-Mechanical engineers build weapons and civil engineers build targets.

 

 

Understanding Engineers - Take Five

 

The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?"

The graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"

The graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"

The graduate with an arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"

 

 

 

Understanding Engineers - Take Six

 

Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible

designers of the human body.

One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints."

Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections."

The last one said, "No, actually it had to have been a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"

(civil engineer er IKKE det samme som en sivilingeniør..)

 

 

Understanding Engineers - Take Seven

 

Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.

Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.

 

 

 

Understanding Engineers - Take Eight

 

An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and said,

"If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess."

He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.

The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back

into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week."

The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.

The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a Princess, I'll stay with you for one week and do ANYTHING you want."

Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.

Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"

The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."

 

 

**********************

 

A Montana cowboy was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous pasture

when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of a dust cloud towards him. The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie, leans out the window and asks the cowboy, "If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, will you give me a calf?"

The cowboy looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, "Sure, Why not?"

The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it to his Cingular RAZR V3 cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite navigation system to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo. The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg , Germany. Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses a MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response.

Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet printer and finally turns to the cowboy and says, "You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves."

"That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves," says the cowboy.

 

He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on amused as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car. Then the cowboy says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?"

The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why not?"

You're a Congressman for the U.S. Government", says the cowboy.

"Wow! That's correct," says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?"

"No guessing required." answered the cowboy. "You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. You tried to show me how much smarter than me you are; and you don't know a thing about cows...

this is a herd of sheep....

Now give me back my dog.

 

[Framerate]

haha, så bra :!:

[Loeve]

I lol'd aloud.

Endret 7. januar 2007 av Loeve

[Plomma2]

Haha. Mange gode.

[KompleX]

Haha, bra!

 

Likte denne spesielt godt:

 

Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible

designers of the human body.

One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints."

Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections."

The last one said, "No, actually it had to have been a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"

[Zethyr]

Ganske mye bra der

[Zappza]

Mye artig lesing der ja

[Gjest Slettet+56132]

Haha, det lyste opp hverdagen min i allefall

[cbs77]

Morsomme ja. Humor hadde sikkert uansett vært rett forum.

Må bare få lov til å klage siden noen klagde på min OT i dag.

[aklla]

du reddet dagen min