Ye Olde Pub (The English Pub)

[( )]

Reality is overrated - I go with SF!

 

;-)

[Dryasanne]

Old and tired of age, I want to see the world, I want to behave, I want to taste the pomodoro of Rome, most important -- learn to write:

 

"Suddenly, it rained. I had just prepared for a nice eating at the pond accompanied by a couple of mallards. Instead a dry spot under a dense bamboo nearby had to suffice for my luncheon. Luckily, the rain didn´t last long, I hasted further up in the hillside."

 

To be published on my website...

 

 

Any comments? Still trøndersk?

[( )]

My immediate reaction: "HASTED" ???????

 

After my second reading, one more question mark: "eating" ????

 

Apart from my two obvious points, I think the quote you posted is a litte too small to be useful as a subject for language commentary.

 

And now I noticed one rather peculiar phrase: "accompanied by a couple of mallards" would tend to mean that the mallards had arrived walking beside you, and sitting beside you while you all partook of the food - which I simply won't believe was the case. My suggestion would be something like "with two mallards on the water keeping me company", or perhaps "with only two mallards on the water keeping me company" (the difference is subtle, but possibly important).

 

For "hasted", use e.g. "hurried", but rework the sentence it is placed in - the current version is both faulty and awkward...

[Dryasanne]

"accompanied by a couple of mallards"

 

The ducks were both walking in the grass nearby, when I started eating, they jumped out in the water, paddling about. So?

 

You wanted some more of this text? OK:

 

"I walked further up in the hillside. On the map it looked like a second entrance could be found close to the summit. Indeed, it was, but very much closed by chains ! Ok, I had seen the entire botanical garden in Rome, I had to walk down to Porta Settimiana and follow the long and winding road of Via G. Garribaldi to the top of Janiculum.

 

It took close to an hour to get back to the chained entrance. I got higly rewarded by the Fontana dell'Acqua Paola, or Il Fontanone ("The big fountain"), just across the street. Every tourist know the Trevi Fountain, in fact, that fountain is a later copy. Il Fontanone was built 1610-12 to mark the end of the Acqua Paola acqueduct, which was restored by Pope Paul V, and took its name from him. These waters marks several significant events of the Roman Empire. The acqueduct is in fact the ancient Aqua Traiana, the 1st century Roman acqueduct built by Emperor Trajan. It channelled water from sources around Lake Bracciano, 40 km north-west of Rome. It fed water mills at the Janiculum. Second, the white marble is taken from the nearby ruins of the Roman Temple of Minerva (Forum of Nerva, one of the five Imperial Fora, close to Forum of Trajan).

 

After a short walk, I was at the crest of Janiculum, looking at the statue of Garibaldi. Hm, wrapped in white plastic, closed due to maintenance. Instead, I put on the telephoto lens and devoted myself to the skyline of Rome."

[jjkoggan]

"accompanied by a couple of mallards"

 

The ducks were both walking in the grass nearby, when I started eating, they jumped out in the water, paddling about. So?

 

You wanted some more of this text? OK:

 

"I walked further up in the hillside. On the map it looked like a second entrance could be found close to the summit. Indeed, it was, but very much closed by chains ! Ok, I had seen the entire botanical garden in Rome, I had to walk down to Porta Settimiana and follow the long and winding road of Via G. Garribaldi to the top of Janiculum.

 

It took close to an hour to get back to the chained entrance. I got higly rewarded by the Fontana dell'Acqua Paola, or Il Fontanone ("The big fountain"), just across the street. Every tourist know the Trevi Fountain, in fact, that fountain is a later copy. Il Fontanone was built 1610-12 to mark the end of the Acqua Paola acqueduct, which was restored by Pope Paul V, and took its name from him. These waters marks several significant events of the Roman Empire. The acqueduct is in fact the ancient Aqua Traiana, the 1st century Roman acqueduct built by Emperor Trajan. It channelled water from sources around Lake Bracciano, 40 km north-west of Rome. It fed water mills at the Janiculum. Second, the white marble is taken from the nearby ruins of the Roman Temple of Minerva (Forum of Nerva, one of the five Imperial Fora, close to Forum of Trajan).

 

After a short walk, I was at the crest of Janiculum, looking at the statue of Garibaldi. Hm, wrapped in white plastic, closed due to maintenance. Instead, I put on the telephoto lens and devoted myself to the skyline of Rome."

 

Just a few suggestions from a native speaker.

 

Ducks are rarely described as walking but almost always "waddling".

I think ducks could fly or swim out in the water but I have never seen a duck jump, they either waddle, fly or scurry.

Here are some other suggestions:

"blocked or locked up by chains" closed implies one can open it.

 

waters marks should be waters mark

 

Just some friendly suggestions. Very well written and more importantly I get the sense of being in harmony with nature. Not surprising, since going "ut i naturen" is a national pastime. I get that same sense when I read many norwegian books especially Hamsun.

 

Are there any modern norwegian authors y'all recommend? I like the classics but the older norwegian text is laborious for a non-native speaker.

[Dryasanne]

Very well written and more importantly I get the sense of being in harmony with nature.

 

Really !?

 

Thats my first attempt ever to write an english text :-)

 

Even at the age 55, is it possible to learn to write proper english? I mean, not just small talk, but the elaborate way convincing my readers a non- Norwegian is contributing:

 

http://www.itrollheimen.net/Roma/26jan2011.htm

 

There you have it, the finished article :-)

 

PS

Look for Tarjei Vesaas. Read "The Birds", "Fuglane".

Endret 24. februar 2011 av Dryasanne

[Rata101]

My immediate reaction: "HASTED" ???????

 

After my second reading, one more question mark: "eating" ????

 

"one more"? I count at least four

 

You could always swap "hasted" for "hastened" I guess.

 

 

Related. Hastening geese sound pretty much exactly like I imagined:

 

 

Endret 24. februar 2011 av Rata101

[Bear^]

Hey! Did anyone bother to check the Pub once in a while? I saved it from an inevitable 2nd page. Who knows, it might have been forgotten in the streams of time...

 

Poor poor Pub. There there, you're safe .... for now.

[Slimda]

The thread seems to suffer from a low number of willing participants. Keeping it alive on your own is increasingly difficult.

[koots]

Learn 2 epic monologues guys.

 

It is sunny and twelve degrees outside, at times like these, Norway ain't too bad.

[Slimda]

Multiply the temperature by two, and I'll agree. Once I can walk around in shorts and t-shirt, I'm satisfied. Until then, I'll just conclude that this is a step in the right direction.

 

Good job, Norway. Good job.

[SnittLeif]

Multiply the temperature by two, and I'll agree. Once I can walk around in shorts and t-shirt, I'm satisfied. Until then, I'll just conclude that this is a step in the right direction.

 

Good job, Norway. Good job.

If you can't walk around in shorts and a t-shirt in twelve degrees, you don't even deserve to be called norwegian. If you multiply by two it's so hot i want to tare my skin off, just to try and cool off.

[( )]

True, we are on a lonely corner, with only intermittent traffic - but it's a cozy place, and we're always open for business.

 

(Fills a glass, and passes it over...)

 

Here, have a glass of our finest! Cheers!

[( )]

Multiply the temperature by two, and I'll agree. Once I can walk around in shorts and t-shirt, I'm satisfied. Until then, I'll just conclude that this is a step in the right direction.

 

Good job, Norway. Good job.

If you can't walk around in shorts and a t-shirt in twelve degrees, you don't even deserve to be called norwegian. If you multiply by two it's so hot i want to tare my skin off, just to try and cool off.

 

Well, if heat is that much of a problem for you, I'd recommend using full shirts and trousers - and keeping them humid or wet at all times...

 

Shadow and air movement also helps.

[Slimda]

24 degrees is the perfect temperature for the weather to keep. Simply because it dissuades any hard work, while rewarding the relaxers by keeping them at the adequate temperature.

[koots]

Multiply the temperature by two, and I'll agree. Once I can walk around in shorts and t-shirt, I'm satisfied. Until then, I'll just conclude that this is a step in the right direction.

 

Good job, Norway. Good job.

 

This man speaks much sense.

[SnittLeif]

Multiply the temperature by two, and I'll agree. Once I can walk around in shorts and t-shirt, I'm satisfied. Until then, I'll just conclude that this is a step in the right direction.

 

Good job, Norway. Good job.

 

This man speaks much sense.

I'd have to agree with you, although the post you chose to quote is nonsensical bull

[Bear^]

Well, to be honest, I have no idea where the weather is going these days. We've had sleet, rain, snow, storm, calm, sun and something of a mix between all of them in the last 3 to 5 weeks or so. It's driving me insane.

 

And now we're waiting for yet another storm, followed by snow. I'm dam tired of digging my car out from 2 tons of snow every morning or so because they can't decide whether the spring has come or winter should rule some more.

 

Edit: "Mix" replaced "Mingle"

Endret 23. mars 2011 av Bear^

[jjkoggan]

Well, to be honest, I have no idea where the weather is going these days. We've had sleet, rain, snow, storm, calm, sun and something of a mingle between all of them in the last 3 to 5 weeks or so. It's driving me insane.

 

And now we're waiting for yet another storm, followed by snow. I'm dam tired of digging my car out from 2 tons of snow every morning or so because they can't decide whether the spring has come or winter should rule some more.

 

 

Where did you learn to use "mingle" as a noun? Is that from a dialect you heard from somewhere or a derivative of another language? If so, please elaborate.

[Bear^]

I might have meant to write "mix" instead. I'm not that strong in grammar rules, I usually just write and hope for the best