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Insomniatic

Av Insomniatic
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Tunky

Tunky

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Skrevet (endret)

Her kommer en lang en..

 

Det var en gang en liten stakkarslig utlending-familie som hadde kommet seg inn i Norge på ulovlig vis. De bodde veldig fælt og kaldt, under en pappeske. I familien var det en mann, en kone og to barn. Verken kona eller mannen hadde jobb, så det familien levde av var søppel de fant i en container rett ved "huset" dems.

 

En dag som mannen var ute og gikk en tur i snøværet så han noe som skinte gjennom snøen. Han plukket den opp og fant ut at det var en tier. Mannen gikk til nærmeste butikk. Da han kom inn i butikken lurte han på hva han skulle gjøre med tier'n. Skulle han kjøpe seg en kneip til familien eller kjøpe et Flax-lodd å satse på å vinne penger?

 

Han bestemte seg til slutt for å kjøpe et Flax-lodd. Han hadde ingen andre penger så han måtte skrape av belegget med neglen. han skrapte frem en 10.000 kr, en 100 kr, en 1000 kr, en 10.000 kr til, en 50 kr, en 200 kr, en 200 kr til og til slutt: EN 10.000 til!! Han jublet av glede: "WOOOOOOHOOOOOOOO!"

 

Han løp hjem til familien sin og ropte: "VI SKAL TIL SYDEN! DET ER SÅ KALDT I VINTERNORGE!". Mannen i huset fikk kapra en drosje og han, og familien hans, satte seg inn og sa: "Til flyplassen". 2 timer senere var de i luften og barna var veldig oppspilte. "Er vi snart framme?!" maste de hele veien. Dama kvakk da piloten ropte ut over høyttaler-anlegget: "Vi ber alle passasjerer feste setebeltet! Vi går inn for landing om 10 minutter!"

 

Ungene koste seg da de var på stranden og de badet og moret seg. De traff tilogmed en av vennene de bodde sammen med i bakgaten! Med så sa plustelig mannen i huset: "Nå unger, idag må vi nok dra igjen, vi får gå til hotellet og pakke sammen sakene våre."

 

Mannen hadde bare 20 kr igjen og han gikk til butikken med familien sin og kjøpte en kneip, 2 tomater og litt ost. Han betalte med 20 kroningen sin. Varene kosta AKKURAT 20 kroner. Han la tingene i en bærepose og begynte å gå hjem. Ungene maste: "Kan ikke få bære noe? Væææær så snill!!" Han ga dem en tomat hver. på vei hjem mistet den ungen en av tomatene, og da utbrøt den andre tomaten: "C'mon, ketchup!!"

 

 

Håper dere tok dere tid til denne vitsen av ypperste klasse!

 

EDIT: Noen leifer. :)

Endret av MobilKnut
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Videoannonse

Videoannonse
Annonse
Gjest Bruker-95147

Gjest Bruker-95147

Skrevet
Skrevet

One Friday, there were 3 nuns riding on a mountain road. They were coming around a turn when a semi rammed into them head on killing them instantly. They were coming to the gates of heaven and noticed a sign that said "Closed for Remodeling". One nun knocked on the gates and out came St. Peter. He said, "What are you doing here! No one is supposed to be here! We are closed for the weekend for remodeling!"

The one nun said, "Well, we're dead and we can't go back." "Alright," said St. Peter. "What we are going to do is send you back for the weekend as whoever you wish to be and then we'll accept you back into Heaven," exclaimed St. Peter as he looks at the first nun.

 

"Okay, who do you want to be?" he asks the nun. "Well, I thought her life was very interesting especially since she gave her life to God, so I want to be Joan of Arc." Poof! The first nun becomes Joan of Arc.

 

"Okay, You're next," as her looks at the second nun, "Who do you want to be?" "! ! Well, I thought her life was very interesting and she died a tragic death, so I want to become Marilyn Monroe," pronounces the second nun. Poof! The second nun becomes Marilyn Monroe.

 

"Okay, who do you want to be?" St. Peter says to the third nun. "I want to be Alice Kapipelean." "Excuse me?!?" confusingly asks St. Peter. "I want to be Alice Kapipelean!" exclaims the nun. St. Peter replies, "Pardon me Sister, we have no record of any Alice Kapipelean being on earth," explains St. Peter.

 

"There is TOO an Alice Kapipelean and I have proof right HERE!" shouts the nun. St. Peter takes the news article and read it. "Oh my, Sister. You have misread this article. This article says that the Alaska Pipeline was laid by 500 men in six months."

:)

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Demantios

Demantios

Skrevet
Skrevet
One Friday, there were 3 nuns riding on a mountain road. They were coming around a turn when a semi rammed into them head on killing them instantly. They were coming to the gates of heaven and noticed a sign that said "Closed for Remodeling". One nun knocked on the gates and out came St. Peter. He said, "What are you doing here! No one is supposed to be here! We are closed for the weekend for remodeling!"

The one nun said, "Well, we're dead and we can't go back." "Alright," said St. Peter. "What we are going to do is send you back for the weekend as whoever you wish to be and then we'll accept you back into Heaven," exclaimed St. Peter as he looks at the first nun.

 

"Okay, who do you want to be?" he asks the nun. "Well, I thought her life was very interesting especially since she gave her life to God, so I want to be Joan of Arc." Poof! The first nun becomes Joan of Arc.

 

"Okay, You're next," as her looks at the second nun, "Who do you want to be?" "! ! Well, I thought her life was very interesting and she died a tragic death, so I want to become Marilyn Monroe," pronounces the second nun. Poof! The second nun becomes Marilyn Monroe.

 

"Okay, who do you want to be?" St. Peter says to the third nun. "I want to be Alice Kapipelean." "Excuse me?!?" confusingly asks St. Peter. "I want to be Alice Kapipelean!" exclaims the nun. St. Peter replies, "Pardon me Sister, we have no record of any Alice Kapipelean being on earth," explains St. Peter.

 

"There is TOO an Alice Kapipelean and I have proof right HERE!" shouts the nun. St. Peter takes the news article and read it. "Oh my, Sister. You have misread this article. This article says that the Alaska Pipeline was laid by 500 men in six months."

:)

6499269[/snapback]

skjønte den ikke jeg :dontgetit:

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Stonemeister

Stonemeister

Skrevet
Skrevet
eye of the beholder pessimisten :) Bare fordi det er ei dame, så har hun blitt p**t av 500 menn? Og hvis det var en mann hadde han p**t 500 damer på 6 mnd... jaja :roll:

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Hun er nonne, og vil ha seg et ligg, fordi hun har levd i sølibat.

 

Men det er sykt dårlige vitser her...

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Gjest Bruker-95147

Gjest Bruker-95147

Skrevet
Skrevet

One day Jesus was walking by the pearly gates when St. Peter stopped him and asked if he could watch the gates whilst he went to the loo. Jesus agreed and began letting people in. After a few minutes he saw a stooped old man approaching. He was so old that he could barely walk, and his white beard ran down to the floor. When Jesus asked if he could help, the old man advised him in a shaky voice that he was looking for his son. Jesus wanted to help but didn't think he could as there were millions of people there. "I know I can identify him very easily by the holes in his hands and feet," said the old man. Jesus stares curiously at the wisened figure before him, "Father...?" he asked. The old man looks at Jesus and says, "Pinocchio...?"

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Emancipate

Emancipate

Skrevet
Skrevet (endret)

Det var en gang, enda en gang, enda en gang, faktisk var det en hel haug av dem. Alle gangene suste mot det samme punktet med enorm hastighet, og kollisjon var ikke til å avverge. Resultatet? Gang bang!

 

Edit:

Morra di er så feit at vitsene om henne okkuperer hele tråden! :no:

Endret av tsg1zzn
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Gjest Bruker-95147

Gjest Bruker-95147

Skrevet
Skrevet

There was a little girl and her mother walking through the park one day and they saw two teenagers having sex on a bench. The little girl says, "Mummy, what are they doing?" The mother hesitates then quickly replies, "Ummm they are making cakes." The next day they are at a zoo and the little girl sees two monkeys having sex. Again she asks her mother what they are doing and her mother replies with the same response, "Making cakes." The next day the girl says to her mother, "Mummy, you and Daddy were making cakes in the lounge last night, eh?" Shocked, the mother asks, "How do you know?" She says, "Because I licked the icing off the sofa."

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Neppe

Neppe

Skrevet
Skrevet (endret)
denne er kanskje en smule stygg men han jeg fikk den av var afro-amrikaner selv så da blir det på en måte greit.

 

An African-American father and son are on a plane, when they hear from the captain over the intercom. This is the captain, one of our engines have died, and we have to lighten the load, some of you have to jump off, we will start with the A’s, can all African-Americans please go to the back and jump off. The son is about to get up, when the father sits him down. But father aren’t we African-Americans? Yes son the father says. After some time the captain again talks thru the intercom. We have lost another engine and we need more people to jump off, can all blacks please go to the back and jump off. The son is again about to get up, when his father stops him. But father aren’t we black, the son asks, the father answers yes. Then after an hour, the captain tells the passengers that another engine has broken down and that all colored people have to walk to the back of the plane and jump off. The son is again about to get opp and jump off but is stoped by the father. But father we are colored aren’t we, the son asks. And the father leans over and says: not today son, today we are niggers!

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Omtrent det mest nyttige jeg har sett deg skrevet, det var en ganske bra vits :)

 

En bra vits.

 

Bush og clinton diskuterte at de skulle starte tredje verdens krig.

 

De skulle drepe 60millioner muslimer og 1 IT-Konsulent.

 

Så kom det er litt berusedd fyr forbi, så spurte han va de snakket om.

 

Så sa Clinton "Vi skal starte trejde verdens krig, vi skal drepe 60 millioner muslimer og en IT-Konsulent"

 

Så spør mannen "En it-Konsulent ?"

 

Clinton svarer "Ser du, ingen bryr seg om muslimene"

Endret av Neppe
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Articfare

Articfare

Skrevet
Skrevet

Omtrent det mest nyttige jeg har sett deg skrevet, det var en ganske bra vits :)

 

En bra vits.

 

Bush og clinton diskuterte at de skulle starte tredje verdens krig.

 

De skulle drepe 60millioner muslimer og 1 IT-Konsulent.

 

Så kom det er litt berusedd fyr forbi, så spurte han va de snakket om.

 

Så sa Clinton "Vi skal starte trejde verdens krig, vi skal drepe 60 millioner muslimer og en IT-Konsulent"

 

Så spør mannen "En it-Konsulent ?"

 

Clinton svarer "Ser du, ingen bryr seg om muslimene"

6506221[/snapback]

 

HAHA!!!

 

Trådens beste vits!!! Burde hatt en egen tråd!!!! :lol::lol: HAHA, jævla bra, neppe.

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