Visdomsord om Chuck Norris

[Eksos]

When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it is not because he is gay, but because he has run out of women.

 

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

 

If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till."

After you ask, "Two seconds till what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.

 

Chuck Norris uses ribbed condoms inside out, so he gets the pleasure.

 

Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.

 

There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.

 

There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.

 

It was once believed that Chuck Norris actually lost a fight to a pirate, but that is a lie, created by Chuck Norris himself to lure more pirates to him.

 

Chuck Norris once lined up to kick the winning field goal of a high school football game. When the football went flat, he persuaded the referees to let him kick the field goal with a 3 month old child. Chuck roundhouse kicked the baby 60 yards through the uprights and then proceeded to bang every girl in the stadium.

 

When Chuck Norris's wife burned the turkey one Thanksgiving, Chuck said, "Don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, "Never question Chuck Norris."

 

Those aren't credits that roll after Walker Texas Ranger; it is actually a list of people that Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked in the face that day.

 

If you unscramble the letters in "Chuck Norris" you get "Huck corn, sir." That is why every fall, Chuck travels to Nebraska and burns the entire state down.

 

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

 

Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.

 

Chuck Norris does not have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway.

 

Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.

 

When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.

 

Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.

 

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

 

A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name is "Charles". Chuck Norris did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded.

 

Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.

 

Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying "booya".

 

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

 

Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"

 

The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

 

After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. His reasoning? It was more "humane".

 

Chuck Norris often asks people to pull his finger. When they do, he roundhouses them in the abdomen. Then he farts.

 

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

 

If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.

 

Chuck Norris took my virginity, and he will sure as hell take yours. If you're thinking to yourself, "That's impossible, I already lost my virginity." then you are dead wrong.

 

Chuck Norris uses a live rattle snake for a condom.

 

Aliens do exist. They're just waiting for Chuck Norris to die before they attack.

 

Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!" and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't f--k with Chuck!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.

 

Chuck Norris appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."

 

Sakset fra entensity

[AndyF]

veldi morsome, men er ikke det en link til en pornoside?

[Pels]

When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it is not because he is gay, but because he has run out of women

:!: haha liksom

[Deadringer]

i say no more:

[GrandMa]

Hahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

[krister461]

Kanskje noe overlapp, but here it goes:

 

1. Chuck Norris’ tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

2. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

3. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

4. The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

5. Chuck Norris defines love as the reluctance to murder. If you’re still alive, it’s because Chuck Norris loves you.

6. Chuck Norris isn’t hung like a horse. Horses are hung like Chuck Norris.

7. If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can’t see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.

8. Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother’s womb.

9. There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.

10. Chuck Norris can win a game of Monopoly without owning any property.

11. There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.

12. In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone has ever gotten.

13. Chuck Norris invented cancer because he was tired of killing people

14. In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.

15. Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.

16. Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

17. When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.

18. Chuck Norris has two speeds: walk and kill.

19.When Chuck Norris jumps into a body of water, he doesn’t get wet. The water gets Chuck Norris instead.

20. Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

21. Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.

22. When Chuck Norris runs with scissors, other people get hurt.

[Pels]

haha, likte nr 20

[Skurupu]

*Ler så jeg griner* :!:

 

Jeg elsker Chuck Norris.

[Post_Mortem]

Fy faen krister461, du har akkurat reddet dagen min

[akristina92]

Hahahaha!

 

When Chuck Norris jumps into a body of water, he doesn’t get wet. The water gets Chuck Norris instead.

[Togo]

Her er noen fakta om mr. T også:

 

Every time a church bell rings, Mr. T pities a fool.

When Mr. T folds his arms, the U.S. Terror Alert Level is raised to gold.

The last man who made eye contact with Mr. T was Ray Charles.

Mr. T hates playing 'Rock Paper Scissors' because he doesn't believe anything could beat rock. He always chooses rock, and when someone throws paper, he says,"I win." If someone is foolish enough to dispute this, he takes his clenched fist and punches them in the face, then says, "I thought your paper would protect you."

Mr. T speaks only when necessary. His main form of communication is folding his arms and slowly shaking his head. And regardless of the situation, he is always understood.

Mr. T doesn't pity anyone who likes the Black Eyed Peas. He just kills them.

Children are afraid of the dark. Dark is afraid of Mr. T.

Mr T. and Chuck Norris decided to spar, they travelled to the only safe place in the Universe, the beginning of time. They bowed to each other and Chuck launched in with a roundhouse kick. Mr. T blocked it, and the resulting pressure wave is commonly called the Big Bang.

Mr.T once punched Chuck Norris at the exact moment he roundhouse kicked Mr.T in the chest. the result was the 80's.

When creating the alphabet, Mr. T placed the letters M, R, and T in seperate areas so people could learn to read and spell without fear.

Mr. T doesn't breathe, air just hides in his lungs for protection.

5 out of 5 doctors recommend not pissing off Mr. T.

Mr T's chains are not made of gold, they are actually made of curium, one of the heaviest elements in existence. They were put there by the CIA to slow him down, and you're lucky they do, fool.

Human females have two X chromosomes. Males have an X and a Y. Mr. T has three Ys and a T. He's more man than you'll ever be.

Mr. T is the reason the sky is blue. Don't ask stupid questions.

Mr. T once ate four 72 oz. steaks in 12 minutes. He spent the first 5 minutes laughing at the fact it takes Chuck Norris fifteen minutes to eat three.

Mr. T once captured Bigfoot, but released him after he shaved the beast and realized that it was just Chuck Norris walking around naked in the woods.

Mr. T invented fools. Realizing the magnitude of his folly, he then created Pity.

23. That's the number of people Mr. T has pitied in the time it has taken you to read this sentence.

When Mr. T was circumsized his foreskin was not disposed of. Instead it was raised as a normal child, and it grew to love the game of basketball. Today we know Mr. T's foreskin as Shaquille O'Neal.

Mr. T is not black. It's just that the sun is to afraid to shine on him.

When Mr. T received his star on Hollywood's Walk of Fame, he made his hand prints after the cement was dry.

On the A-team, Face , Haniabal, and Murdoch were all masters of disguise. Mr T didn't have to wear a disguise. The bad guys didn't recognize him out of fear.

Mr. T always drives on the right side of the road, no matter where he is in the world.

Mr. T coined the phrase, "I see dead people," after the waiting staff at Denny's forgot his birthday.

There are only four horsemen of the apocalypse, because Mr. T is going to walk.

Mr. T. does not break wind. He destroys it.

Mr. T's Mohawk is not held up by hair gel, his hair is just scared of him and is trying to get as far away as possible.

Mr. T does not actually pity fools. He is just being sarcastic. No one has noticed because it is difficult to pick up such subtleties while being bludgeoned.

Gravity dosen't exist. Mr. T just pities everything to stay the fuck down. Birds and planes are exempt beacuse they are shaped like Ts.

[Lemkin]

In Soviet Russia, Chuck Norris is still Chuck Norris

[kaiern]

Hahahha. Herlig

[simes]

Hahaaahahaha, for mye bra. Det blir for mye.

[asad]

dette var rett og slett genialt,noen av dem altså. Fikk meg en god latter der^^

[Psykopatisk Kaffelefse]

Fikk julebrus i nesen pga nr.17

"17. When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket."

[krizkriz]

Chuck Norris often asks people to pull his finger. When they do, he roundhouses them in the abdomen. Then he farts.

:!:

[aemil]

Har ingen visdoms-ord, men her er noen Chuck Norris/Walker dikt til alles glede:

 

 

I Texas er avskum av alle slag,

som plyndrer og dreper til eget behag,

men da er det sikkert som natt og dag,

at Walker kommer med motorsag.

 

 

 

På en bar i Texas noen har tante blitt,

andre har mistet hodet sitt,

kansje Walker var på en snarvisitt.

 

 

 

Bikkja til Walker er blitt maltraktert,

og sumphytta hans lettere rasert,

Dette gjør Walker småirritert,

Og snart blir skurkene grundig kremert.

 

 

 

97 andre finner dere her.

[cyberPanda]

sitat fra dolph:

 

Vi befinder os i Vietnams jungle. Kuglerne flyver omkring ørerne på dig. Vietkonger og tigere slås om at tage dit liv. Hvem vil du helst have på din side: Mona Lisa... eller en indsatsgruppe bestående af B.S. Christiansen, Jean Claude Van Damme, Sylvester Stallone, Chuck Norris. Mona Lisa hun sidder bare der og smiler yndigt. De andre de er trænede dræbere! Yndig model? Nej tak! Hensynsløsemordere? YES SIR!

[The Erland]

Fact generator for Chuck Norris: http://www.4q.cc/chuck/

Her er i tillegg en med Vin Diesel: http://www.4q.cc/vin/