samling av næsty vitser

[eivind04]

Legen var så lei av hypokonderen at han ga ham noen tabeletter. Hypokonderen spurte når han skulle ta disse Legen svarte: En i kveld og en i morgen tidligt hvis du våkner

[pessimisten]

e må bare si at det er noen av de rareste og lengste vitsene e noen gang har lest.................

[GolfBag]

Til de som ikke tar Aristocrats-vitsene... bytt ut "The aristocrats" med "den svenska kungfamiljen" så har dere vitsen til Hank von Helvete...

 

dette er en standard vits som har eksistert i hundrevis av år blant jøglere og andre som opptrer hos rike folk de egentlig hater. Antakelig verdens elste vits.

[Dj Laffen]

A tomato, a piece of gum, and a penis are all talking.

 

The tomato says "I've got the worst live, I get cut up and stuck in a sandwhich".

 

The piece of gum says "No, mine's worse, I get chewed up, spit out and stepped on".

 

The penis says "No, by far I've gor the worst life... I get a plastic bag stuck over my head, then I'm shoved in a dark tunnel and made to do push ups 'till I throw up!"

[Dj Laffen]

There were two guys taking a shower. They were playing with eachother and kissing. Then sombody knocked on the door so one of the guys was like im going to answer the door so dont finish without me right. So he went to go answer the door when he came their was cum all over the walls curtains, everywhere. The guy says to him i told you not to finish without me.

 

The other guy says i didnt.....I FARTED!!!

[Dj Laffen]

There once was a little boy who was celebrating his 11th birthday.

 

He decided to test his family to see if they remembered his birthday, so he goes downstairs to his father. "Bet cha' can't guess how old I am today", the boy said.

 

The father has no clue and finally gives up. "I'm eleven!" the boy exclaims.

 

Next he goes in the kitchen, walks up to his grandma, and says, "Bet cha' can't guess how old I am today".

 

"Let me give it a guess", grandma says and sticks her hand in his trousers.

 

She plays with his testicles for about an hour or so (squeezing them; moving them back and forth), takes her hand out of his trousers, and says, "You're eleven years old".

 

"How did you know?" the boy asked.

 

Grandma replied, "I heard you tell your father".

[kimen]

Det var en mann som gikk til legen med problemet sitt. legen spurte hva problemet var, jo sa mannen jeg er så plaget med at det går for meg altfor tidlig, da sa doktorn at han bare skulle ta å skremme seg selv rett før det gikk for ham.

noen dager etterpå så ringer legen for å høre hvordan dette gikk å da fikk han høre fra mannen : nei det gikk til helvette, da vi lå i 69 stilling så tok jeg fram start pistolen jeg hadde kjøpt før på dagen som jeg skulle skremme meg selv med, å da det nesten gikk for meg fyrte jeg av et skudd å da beit kona av meg 5 cm av kuken min,dreit meg i tryne og naboen kom ut av klesskapet med henda i været.

Endret 20. oktober 2005 av kimen

[BorN]

...:: ::...

[kimman]

Det var en gang da en homse måtte på do i puben, så der stod han ved siden av en svær neger med en meter stor kuk. Homsen klarte ikke å la være å se på den og negeren avbrøt: "Hey, hva er det du glor på" Homsen forklarte seg og sa at han hadde så lyst å bli rævpult av en med diger kuk. Negeren tenkte seg om og han trenger litt penger så sa han at han tar 500kr for hver 5 cm. "Jeg tar 30 cm for 3000kr" sa homsen. Og de satte i gang, så kom en boms inn og dunka borti negeren og gikk rundt og så på homsen og sa: "du ser så lykkelig ut, kan jeg få en tier?" Da sa homsen: "Ja, kan du godt si! Men dessverre er ræva mi fullt av gjeld"

Endret 21. oktober 2005 av kimman

[tor_erik]

Hva er verre enn en død baby spikret opp mot et tre?

 

En død baby spikret opp mot ti trær.

[MemorY]

Hva kaller du sædcellene til en homse??

Rompetroll :!:

[pessimisten]

Hva kaller du sædcellene til en homse??

Rompetroll :!:

5039776[/snapback]

 

 

HAHAHAHA

 

den var heftig bra

[Nidhogg]

"- Vet du hvordan man kan vite at romkameraten din er homo?"

"- Kuken hans smaker bæsj"

[Heimen]

A new father goes into the delivery room to see his newborn baby boy. The doctor pulls him aside and says " I have the most amazing news. Your boy can fly". The doctor sees the doubt in the fathers eyes so he offers a demonstration. He picks up the little boy, holds him high in the air and then lets go. The baby falls to the floor with a loud thump.

 

"You son of a bitch" says the new father, ready to kill the doctor. " Wait, something must be wrong. He flew this morning. Let me try again". He flings the boy across the room and he slams against the wall and slides down to the floor.

 

"Oh my god, I am going to kill you" says the father as he is running towards the baffeled doctor. "No no wait, I know what I did wrong. I promise it will work this time". He opens the window and tosses the kid out. The kid of course falls 7 stories and leaves a mess on the sidewalk below. By this time the father is choking the doctor. With his last breath the doctor says " I was just messing with you. Your son was born dead."

 

[P-in-P]

A new father goes into the delivery room to see his newborn baby boy. The doctor pulls him aside and says " I have the most amazing news. Your boy can fly". The doctor sees the doubt in the fathers eyes so he offers a demonstration. He picks up the little boy, holds him high in the air and then lets go. The baby falls to the floor with a loud thump.

 

"You son of a bitch" says the new father, ready to kill the doctor. " Wait, something must be wrong. He flew this morning. Let me try again". He flings the boy across the room and he slams against the wall and slides down to the floor.

 

"Oh my god, I am going to kill you" says the father as he is running towards the baffeled doctor. "No no wait, I know what I did wrong. I promise it will work this time". He opens the window and tosses the kid out. The kid of course falls 7 stories and leaves a mess on the sidewalk below. By this time the father is choking the doctor. With his last breath the doctor says " I was just messing with you. Your son was born dead."

 

5057746[/snapback]

 

Bwahahahah, fy faen den var syk

[pessimisten]

A new father goes into the delivery room to see his newborn baby boy. The doctor pulls him aside and says " I have the most amazing news. Your boy can fly". The doctor sees the doubt in the fathers eyes so he offers a demonstration. He picks up the little boy, holds him high in the air and then lets go. The baby falls to the floor with a loud thump.

 

"You son of a bitch" says the new father, ready to kill the doctor. " Wait, something must be wrong. He flew this morning. Let me try again". He flings the boy across the room and he slams against the wall and slides down to the floor.

 

"Oh my god, I am going to kill you" says the father as he is running towards the baffeled doctor. "No no wait, I know what I did wrong. I promise it will work this time". He opens the window and tosses the kid out. The kid of course falls 7 stories and leaves a mess on the sidewalk below. By this time the father is choking the doctor. With his last breath the doctor says " I was just messing with you. Your son was born dead."

 

5057746[/snapback]

 

 

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha............fye faen å slem doctor :!:

[Venerable]

Tror ikke jeg har ledd så mye pga en vits på minst 10 år :!:

[Pasient]

AHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHA! Å i det rødeste helvette! Den var faen meg STYGG og det som værre er!

 

Åahahahahah!

[iMono]

Liker det enkle best jeg...

[ka1ser]

Følge med! Kommer ikke på noen groviser akkurat nå