Litt pervers "humor"? Advarsel: Sterke scener!

[AndyF]

kvalm,jeg blir kvalm

[Mott]

alle dere er jævla pervoer med ekla famtasier æsj at dere begge gidder å publisere dett her

[Sovietpig]

og jeg som hadde tenkt og lage meg mat...

[Tonio]

Jeg synes ingen av historiene var spesielt ille, eller morsomme..

[Knofle]

og jeg som hadde tenkt og lage meg mat...

Det var en god idé. Jeg lager meg et rekesmørbrød med en gang.

Endret 17. september 2005 av BurTMastA

[VegardStr]

Skjønte ikke helt dette jeg...

 

Var det en vits?

 

En sann grotesk historie?

 

En fetish/fantasi som trådstarter har, eller har funnet på nettet?

 

Men uansett hva det var så var det ikke noe å lage en tråd for...

 

Gi meg 3-4 min skal jeg finne en orntlig grotesk historie som er mye bedre skrevet!

 

Også denne historien er det Lillie Brent som har sendt oss. Vi advarer på forhånd om at det kan forekomme sterke scener og denne historien egner seg neppe til å tenne noen...

 

En (sann) historie som har stått i Times...

 

En morgen ved 5-tiden våknet 22 år gamle Susan deLucci fra Kittery, Maine (USA altså) med et smertelig behov for å urinere. Først trodde hun at hun hadde diaré, men da hun sto opp av sengen, skjønte hun at dette var et urinveisproblem. Det var veldig likt følelsen av å ha diaré, men det var galt hull. Hun vaklet ut på badet og i det hun satte seg ned på skålen gir hennes vagina fra seg den høyeste og mest forferdelige fjertelyden noen har hørt. I paralyserende smerte blir frøken deLucci sittende og presse og kreste ut en sviende strøm av skitt og slam mens hun klamrer seg til klosettskålen så knoklene er helt kritthvite. Hun hyler helt hemningsløst mens dette pågår, og til slutt ringer naboene til politiet. Når legen ankommer finner de frøken deLucci liggende bevisstløs på gulvet uten noe annet på seg enn badekåpen. Nedover det ene låret hennes renner det en strøm av brun og grønn sirup. Legen må flytte henne over på en båre, så han griper hennes venstre ben, som har blitt liggende over hennes høyre, for å strekke henne ut. Hun ligger helt forvridd på gulvet. Når han løfter hennes venstre ben for å strekke kroppen hennes ut, ser han et lite dyr, stort som en fingertupp som kravler og spreller og er på vei ut av hennes vagina. Den lander på gulvet med en våt, poppende lyd. Sjokkert stirret legen på dyret som lå på gulvet på det flislagtebaderomsgulvet i en saus av gjørme. Det er en liten reke og den ligger på gulvet og gisper etter vann mens den spreller fram og tilbake. Den forskrekkede legen kjente kvalmen bre seg og snudde seg mot klosettet for å kaste opp. Da han stakk hodet ned i klosettet for å kaste opp fikk han se noe så skremmende at han aldri mer klarte å se ned i et toalett uten å brekke seg. Hele toalettskålen kokte av brune, gjørmete små reker som sprellet og sprutet vann i et rasende tempo. Dersom du tror dette er fælt - vent til du hører hvordan dette skjedde: Frøken deLuccis offisielle dødsårsak var en kombinasjon av sjokk og kraftige slag mot hodet. Hun reiste seg fra toalettet i smerte og da hun så hva hun hadde gjort, fikk hun et sjokk og falt om, slo hodet mot toalettet og deretter mot gulvet. Rettsmedisinere antar at hun to dager før hadde kjøpt en levende hummer på fisketorget. Mens hun lå i badekaret hadde hun forsiktig stukket hummerens hale inn i vagina for å oppnå seksuell nytelse. Deretter har hun holdt en lighter under dyrets ansikt, noe som fikk dyret til å sprelle med halen frem og tilbake i et hysterisk tempo. Rettsmedisineren fant en lesbisk pornofilm i videospilleren og TV-en var satt på en stol i stuen slik at hun kunne se TV fra badekaret. Hummeren fant de i søppelbøtta på kjøkkenet, pakket inn i en papirpose. Spor av frøken deLuccis DNA ble funnet på hummeren, sammen med kjønnshår som hadde blitt klemt fast i leddene på hummerens haleparti. Hummerens ansikt hadde lette brannskader som stammet fra den samme gassen som blir brukt i lightere. Hummerens tarmsystem og endetarmsåpning var full av tomme eggposer fra reker. Legene antar at hummeren hadde spist dem (de er vanlige i vannet på fisketorg og blir vanligvis helt enkelt kokt til døde). Hummeren hadde så tømt seg selv i frøken deLuccis vagina mens hun torturerte det stakkarsdyret. Bunnreker i Maine bruker bare 2 dager på å klekkes, og frøken deLucci var bare 4 dager fra å få mensen. Legene mente at på dette tidspunktet i menstruasjonssyklusen hadde hennes livmor en perfekt PH - balanse for å ale opp disse rekene. Over natten hadde eggene blitt klekket, og rekene doblet sin egen størrelse hvert tiende minutt. Du kan sikkert forestille seg hvilke smerter hun hadde da hun våknet om morgenen og fødte godt over 1000 reker på badet....

Usj! Det må være det ekleste jeg har hørt noen gang!

ÆÆÆÆÆÆÆÆÆÆÆSJ

[Goophy]

Ææææææææææsj, iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiik, hyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyl, skriiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiik.

 

Trodde ikke dette var noenting for folk som brukte internett...

[Veronica]

 

Æææsj!

[Ksungam]

Pingler hele gjengen!

[Knofle]

Det er jo strengt tatt ikke kos det vi leser, men jeg går ikke å spyr på grunn av det lizzzom.

[mikaelt]

Hehe, morsomt å høre slike historier

[Totenkopf]

Vi som har sett eels.mpeg rynker ikke på nesa engang av dette. Tamt.

Å ha sett 'eels.mpeg' er da vel ikke noe å skrive hjem til mor om? Man kan nå finne verre saker og ting på webben hvis man vet hvor man skal lete.

Endret 17. september 2005 av Tchernobog

[KristianF]

Den historien med hummeren er IKKE ekte.

Det så jeg en plass..

Men husker ikke hvor..

 

Uansett..

Hva er så ekkelt med historiene?

Reagerer ikke litt på sånne historier jeg engang..

Er det jeg som er.. uh.. spesiell, eller er dere redde for å høre "spesielle" ting?

Endret 17. september 2005 av Stealth-

[Acrid]

Jeg tar faktisk tysk scatporno og halshoggingsvideoer fra Irak over eels.mpeg anytime. Takler ikke å se alle ålene fly sprellende ut av ræva til den dama...yuck.

[aadnk]

Myter, vandrehistorier og syke fetisje fantasier. Hva er så morsomt med det? Humor er kan hende subjektivt, men akkurat dette tror jeg er temmelig feilpostet.

[Jihadinmymind]

Her kommer mine bidrag, fant dem på en TVILSOM MIRC server:

 

So I was fucking her doggy style and decide to pull a 'Houdini'. Right before I cum, I made noises like I had just shot my load, although it was still about 10 seconds away.

So she freaks the fuck out and whirls around to check my dick, and is like "ohh my god you didn't just cum in me, did.."

Right then I shot my load in face mid-sentence. Then I slapped her in the face *hard* and wiped the cum on my hand off on her hair.

I start laughing and she loses it. She starts blubbering and whining "I love you so much, and you treat me like shit.

what is wrong wiht you?" I quickly lose patience, and grab all her shit and toss it in the hallway (but not before I take the weed out of her pocket).

"Get the fuck out of here you dumb cunt" She runs out the door with tears and cum streaming down her face. I laugh and laugh and she is banging on the door.

I light up her weed and can still hear her wimpering in the hallway.

She finally left and I hope that cunt doesn't bother me anymore, she has a scar on her breast from getting something removed and that was a real turnoff.

 

Damn, its good to be King!

 

I have a friend who has a brother who is permanetly wheelchaired. He doesn't look that bad for a wheelchair person though. Now my friend is someone who I would even consider a BFF, or a Best Friend Forever. I always try to be as kind as possible to his brother even though he is a fucking cripple  in a fucking wheelchair  . Anyways I was over at my friends house for the weekend sleeping over. His parents were away at some fancy hotel in the bahamas. We were playing GameCube, Pikmin 2 while his brother was playing with some crayons and paper.

 

After a long while me and my friend grew rather famished so we decided to pause Pikmin 2 and order some pizza. We ordered two medium pizzas. One a Hawaian style and the other a cheese pizza. The place he orders from never delivers so one of us had to go and get the pizza while the other watched his brother. He chose to get the pizza so I stayed and watched his brother.

 

I decided I would start surfing some porn on my friends computer, I didn't notice his brother entering the room watching.

 

I was really getting into the masturbation strokes when I heard his brother say

 

"I like the porno too."

 

"WTF! When did you get in here?"

 

"I was just coming here because I was scared when it is dark."

 

"You didn't see me jacking off did you?"

 

He didn't speak for a few moments than he spoke up and said:

 

"I wanna blow you please."

 

"I'm sorry kid, but I don't think this is good topic."

 

"I never get to perform in any sex and since I are not able to stand I can just blow you for the penis please?"

 

"Uhmmm"

 

"Please let me blows your penis. I will even take the cum so less clean up to need."

 

"I'm sorry.------"

 

"Please you can even be mean to be me and make me gag. I want that so bad"

 

"Ok I guess"

 

The cripple rolled over to me and began to put his hot lips on my nice thick dick. He began to go up and down, up and down. Licking my pole like a lollipop. He then began moaning for me to start face fucking him. So I began thrusting my cock into his mouth further and further.

 

Finally I felt climax coming and I pushed my cock all the way into his mouth and held his face up against my cock. I began to jizz down his hot throat. I could hear him begin to cry so I let loose and he pulled back and rolled as fast away into his own room. I felt real bad.

 

Anyways his brother arrived a little later and we ate pizza and continues to play Pikmin 2.

 

After about a month or so I got a call from my friend asking if I knew anything about why his brother had genital herpes on his mouth.

 

I said I didn't know anything about it.

 

Oh god my conscience is eating me up inside. I dunno if I should tell him I facefucked his brother. I mean how could I tell him that.

 

Please people of hl2world, what should I do?

 

My friend Frank has a sister who has downs syndrome. She's 4 years younger than me, although you'd never know by looking at her. I've always been real nice when she picks up the phone or I go over there to hang out. He's already told me that she thinks I'm nice, something she doesn't think about most boys that come over there.

 

Cut to Monday night. We all have Tuesday off for Veteran's day, so Frank and I are over at his house (he still lives with his mom) playing some xbox. His sister is in the room, playing with dolls and ocasionally watching the screen as we played. Frank's mom is out running some errands, I think she was at her mothers house. The phone rings at about 8, and it's Frank's mom, Victoria. She tells Jessica (Frank's sister) that her car has broken down and needs Frank to take a look at it. Frank, being a car mechanic leaves to go check out the car, and asked me to look after Jessica while he was gone, since she gets really upset by cars. I agree, and he leaves.

 

I didn't really know what to do to entertain her, so I just sat around and kinda ****ed around, and would occasionally talk to her. For the most part, she sat there and played with her dolls, talking to them. I was sitting at the computers working on an essay for an Archaeology class when she asked me the following:

 

"What are doing John?"

"Oh, I'm typing a paper for a class."

"Heeee you need paper for class!"

"Yep, it's pretty important. "

 

She trailed off for a minute, and I resumed typing. About 5 minutes later, she spoke again.

 

"John, I know sex" - I was taken back. What do I say to her? Do I lie, do I acknowledge that she "knows" sex, what?

"Um, I'm not sure if we should talk about that, Jessica."

"I try sex with me and it good"

"Jessica, we really shouldn't talk about this..."

"Will you try with me?"

 

I didn't know what to do. I was sitting there, with my mouth half opened and I'm sure there was a puddle of drool forming on the carpet pretty fast. She asked again.

"Will you try sex with me? Nobody like me like you, you so nice and pretty"

 

****. ****sticks. ****ing ****ersticks from planet ****. I'm getting hit on by a retarded girl. What the **** do I do?

 

Yeah, I ****ed her. It was her first time, and she bled. It was not pleasent, and she wailed near the end, I guess an orgasm. When we were done I went to the bathroom, cleaned up, and cried. I fixed up myself and made sure she was alright. Then I went back to my essay while she did god knows what. I didn't care, I still don't. A wave of apathy crashed upon me.

 

Frank showed up about 10 minutes later, and I quickly excused myself to go home. I went home and cried myself to sleep on my pillow, accompanied by the horrible imagery which will haunt me to my grave. I woke up yesterday to the phone ringing, at about 7:30. Most people know to leave me alone at 7:30 when I'm not working, but I rolled over to see the caller ID. I looked down at it, saw it was Frank's house, and answered.

 

"Hey John, I need to..uhm...well...ask you about...uh...something."

Me, suddendly awake, "Uh yeah, whats up?"

"Well, last night after I brought my mom home, Jessica was..acting...strangely.."

"Oh, how do you mean?"

"There was blood dripping down her leg."

"What the ****?"

"Yeah, thats what we thought, too. We are trying to figure out what happened, do you know anything?"

"No man, I don't. Thats pretty ****ed up. Say, I gotta go because my breakfast is burning." - lie

"Alright John, I'll talk to you later."

 

What should I do!?? Confess to him and his mom about Jessica, keep my mouth shut? Threaten her with violence if she talks?

 

 

For the record - this in not me , not my story

yeah I know it's pretty ****ed up situation , but what do you think the guy should do??

I realize that hitting an underage retarded chick is not perfectly right , but I guess she wont get any more action anytime soon (probably not for the rest of her life) so basically what the guy did was showing her that life can be quite fun sometimes

 

what do ya think??

[Goophy]

*snip*

Now that's funny.

[P-in-P]

@ Jihadinmymind: AHAHAHHAHHHAHHAHhAHAHAH

 

Serlig den første å fy faens som jeg lo :!:! !

 

De to siste linjene i den siste historia vurderte jeg å bruke som signatur, men jeg er litt bekymret over hva folk som ikke har lest tråden vil tro :!:!

 

I realize that hitting an underage retarded chick is not perfectly right , but I guess she wont get any more action anytime soon (probably not for the rest of her life) so basically what the guy did was showing her that life can be quite fun sometimes

 

Endret 18. september 2005 av P-in-P

[Jernlov]

Finn flere sånne æ

[P-in-P]

Agreed! Tviler svært på at de var sanne så det er lov å more seg