morsomme engelske vitser

[Uderzo]

Sleeping Beauty, Tom Thumb, and Quasimodo were all talking one day. Sleeping Beauty said, "I believe myself to be the most beautiful girl in the world."

Tom Thumb said, "I must be the smallest person in the world."

 

Quasimodo said, "I absolutely have to be the ugliest person in the world."

 

They decided to go to the Guinness Book of World Records to have their claims verified. Sleeping Beauty went first and came out looking deliriously happy.

 

"It's official, I AM the most beautiful girl in the world,"

 

Tom Thumb went next and emerged triumphant, "I am officially the smallest person in the world."

 

Sometime later, Quasimodo came out looking confused and said, "Who the f**k is Camilla Parker Bowles?"

 

 

edit: gjorde om tittelen på tråden, slik at jeg kan putte inn noen flere vitser

 

Fortsetter med noen flere vitser:

 

 

"What am I supposed to do with this?" grumbled a motorist as the policeman handed him a speeding ticket.

"Keep it," the cop said, "when you collect four of them you get a bicycle."

 

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There was a beautiful young blonde who was going to a soda machine and she arrived there just before a business man coming to quench his thirst. She opened her purse and put in 50 cents, studied the machine a little, pushed a Diet Coke selection, and out came a Diet Coke which she placed on a counter by the machine.

 

Then she reached in her purse again and pulled out a dollar and inserted it in the machine. Studying the machine carefully, she pushed the button for Coke Classic and out came a Coke Classic and 50 cents change.

 

She immediately took the 50 cents and put it in the machine, studied it for a moment and pushed the Mountain Dew button. Out came a Mello Yello. As she was reaching into her purse again, the business man who had been waiting patiently for several minutes now spoke up.

 

"Excuse me Ms. but are you done yet?" She looked at him and indignantly replied: "Well Duhhh!, I'm still winning"

Endret 11. april 2005 av Uderzo

[Acrid]

[Uderzo]

A man goes to the Doctor and says: "Doc, i have a problem, my penis is too big. It is 20 inches long!".

 

The doctor looks worried and says: "you're right. it's way too big. i'll tell you what you need to do- outside the city in a small forest there is a magical frog. When you find her, ask her if she wants to marry you. Every time she says no, your penis will be 4 inches shorter".

 

So the man goes to the forest and finds the frog. He tells her: "Hi dear frog, would you like to marry me?".

 

The frog answers coldly: "not a chance".

immidiatly after, the man's penis loses 4 inches. He goes home but after a while he discovers that 16 inches is still way too much. He goes back to the frog and asks: "will you marry me?".

The frog answers: "No!".

 

After a while, unsatisfied also with his 12 inches, the man decided to go to the frog one last time. he asks her: "dear frog, will you marry me?".

 

The frog answers: "how many times do i have to tell you? no! no! no!".

[Kurt P]

:!:

 

Ville heller hatt 20 inches enn ingenting ..