Litt humor tidlig på morgenen :D

[Okie85]

Gå inn på http://www.vifter.no Der finner du det meste, vil jeg tro.

 

Og tror du ikke at Twister ble til hovedsaklig på dataskjermen?

Ingen skuspillere risikrer livet bare for å spille inn en film...

Holder denne:

 

 

 

 

Luftmengder fra 150.000 - 1.000.000 m3/t....!

 

:grin:

[Okie85]

little johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question. Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun how many would be left?

 

None replied johnny, cause the rest would fly away.

 

Well the answer is four said the

teacher, but I like the way you are thinking.

 

Little johnny says, I have a question for you now. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one was licking her cone, the second was biting the cone and the third was sucking the cone, which one is married.

 

Well, said the teacher nervously, I guess the one sucking the cone?

 

No, said little Johnny, the one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you are thinking.

---------------------

 

Three men were standing in line to get into heaven one day.

Apparently it had been a pretty busy day, though, so Peter had to tell

the first one, "Heaven's getting pretty close to full today, and I've

been asked to admit only people who have had particularly horrible

deaths. So what's your story?"

 

So the first man replies: "Well, for a while I've suspected my wife

has been cheating on me, so today I came home early to try to catch

her red-handed. As I came into my 25th floor apartment, I could tell

something was wrong, but all my searching around didn't reveal where

this other guy could have been hiding. Finally, I went out to the

balcony, and sure enough, there was this man hanging off the railing,

25 floors above ground! By now I was really mad, so I started beating

on him and kicking him, but wouldn't you know it, he wouldn't fall

off. So finally I went back into my apartment and got a hammer and

starting hammering on his fingers. Of course, he couldn't stand that

for long, so he let go and fell -- but even after 25 stories, he fell

into the bushes, stunned but okay. I couldn't stand it anymore, so I

ran into the kitchen, grabbed the fridge and threw it over the edge

where it landed on him, killing him instantly. But all the stress and

anger got to me, and I had a heart attack and died there on the

balcony."

 

"That sounds like a pretty bad day to me," said Peter, and let the man

in.

 

The second man comes up and Peter explains to him about

heaven being full, and again asks for his story.

 

"It's been a very strange day. You see, I live on the 26th floor of my

apartment building, and every morning I do my exercises out on my

balcony. Well, this morning I must have slipped or something, because

I fell over the edge. But I got lucky, and caught the railing of the

balcony on the floor below me. I knew I couldn't hang on for very

long, when suddenly this man burst out onto the balcony. I thought for

sure I was saved, when he started beating on me and kicking me. I held

on the best I could until he ran into the apartment and grabbed a

hammer and started pounding on my hands. Finally I just let go, but

again I got lucky and fell into the bushes below, stunned but all

right. Just when I was thinking I was going to be okay, this

refrigerator comes falling out of the sky and crushes me instantly,

and now I'm here."

 

Once again, Peter had to concede that that sounded like a pretty

horrible death.

 

The third man came to the front of the line, and again the whole

process was repeated. Peter explained that heaven was full and asked

for his story.

 

"Picture this," says the third man, "I'm hiding naked inside a

refrigerator..."

 

---------------------------------

 

 

Little Red Riding Hood is skipping down the road when she sees the Big Bad Wolf crouched down behind a log.

"My what big eyes you have, Mr. Wolf", says Little Red Riding Hood.

The wolf jumps up and runs away!!! Further down the

road Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf again. This time he is crouched behind a tree stump.

My what big ears you have Mr. Wolf", says Little Red

Riding Hood.

Again the wolf jumps up and runs away. About 2 miles

down the track Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf

again, this time crouched down behind a road sign.

My what big teeth you have Mr. Wolf", taunts Little Red Riding Hood.

With that, the Big Bad Wolf jumps up and screams...

Will you fuck off, I'm trying to take a shit!"

---------------

 

What do you call an eternity?

Four Blondes at a four way stop.

 

Why do Blondes have "TGIF" written on their shoes?

Toes Go In First.

 

Three Blondes were driving to Disneyland. After being in the car for 4 hours they finally saw a sign that said "Disneyland left" so they turned around and went home.

 

What do smart Blondes and UFOs have in common?

You always hear about them but you never see them

 

What did the Blonde say when she opened the box of Cheerios?

Oh look, daddy ... doughnut seeds.

 

How did the Blonde die ice fishing?

She got run over by the Zamboni.

 

Why did the Blonde stare at a can of frozen orange juice?

Because it said concentrate.

 

Why do Blondes always smile during lightning storms?

They think their picture is being taken.

 

How can you tell when a Blonde sends you a fax?

It has a stamp on it.

 

Why can't Blondes dial 911?

They can't find the eleven on the phone!

 

What do you do if a Blonde throws a pin at you?

Run like hell, she's got a grenade in her mouth!

 

How can you tell if a Blonde has been using your computer?

There is whiteout all over the monitor.

 

How do you get a Blonde on the roof?

Tell her the drinks are on the house.

 

Why shouldn't Blondes have coffee breaks?

It takes too long to retrain them.

 

A brunette goes to the doctor and as she touches each part of her body with her finger she says, "Doctor it hurts everywhere. My leg hurts, my arm hurts, my neck hurts, and even my head hurts!"

The doctor asks, "Were you ever a Blonde?"

"Yes, I was." she replies. "Why do you ask?"

The doctor answers, "Because your finger is broken!"

 

A Blonde and a brunette were walking outside when the brunette said, "Oh, look at the dead bird."

The Blonde looked skyward and said "Where, where?"

 

A brunette is standing on some train tracks, jumping from rail to rail, saying "21" "21" "21". A Blonde walks up, sees her and decides to join her. She also starts jumping from rail to rail, saying "21" "21" "21".

 

Suddenly, the brunette hears a train whistle, and she jumps off the tracks just as the Blonde is splattered all over the place.

 

The brunette goes back to jumping from rail to rail, counting, "22", "22", "22".

 

How do you drown a Blonde?

Put a scratch & sniff sticker at the bottom of the pool

 

Why does it take longer to build a Blonde snowman as opposed to a regular one?

You have to hollow out the head.

 

How do you get a twinkle in a Blonde's eye?

Shine a flashlight in her ear.

 

Why don't Blondes like making KOOL-AID?

Because they can't fit 8 cups of water in the little packet.

 

Did you hear about the two Blondes that were found frozen to death in their car at a drive-in movie theater?

They went to see "Closed for the Winter".

 

Why won't they hire Blondes as pharmacists?

They keep breaking the prescription bottles in the typewriters.

 

 

 

the end... på tide med søvn ???

[Leeson]

Den første må være tidenes vits!

 

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

[Micke]

Voodo-dick vitsen finnes også i flash