Kunnskaper som alle mannfolk burde ha

[b-real]

1 - OPENING JARS - knowing, she's struggling. You take it gently

from her hands. You open it effortlessly and pretend she loosened it for

you.

 

She didn't, jars are mens work.

 

2- DOING A PROPER SLIDE TACKLE - Beckham free kicks? Gay. A Stuart

Pearce tackle is the pinnacle of the game. Simultaneously win the ball and

cripple the man. Violent and stylish. C'est chic!

 

3- SHARPENING A PENCIL WITH A STANLEY KNIFE - Blunt is it? Hand it

here love. No, I dont need a sharpener. You think I cant whittle?

 

4- DRINKING UP - Specifically, rising from the table, slinging your

jacket on and downing two-thirds of a pint in a fluid movement. Then

nodding towards the door, saying "lets go" and striding out while

everyone stuggles to follow suit. God, you're hard.

 

5- FORCING A DOOR - A locked door you need open? Just think...what

would TJ Hooker do in this situation? Bam! Oof that felt good.

 

6- HAVING A SCAR - Ideally it'll be a facial knife wound, but even

an iron burn on the wrist is good. Ooh did it hurt? Nah.

 

7- ARRIVING IN THE PUB LATE - And everyone cheers you. It doesnt

mean you're popular , it just means your friends are pissed. But the

rest of the pub don't know that.

 

8- SMELLING OF PETROL - Or grass, or woodsmoke, or pubs, or your own

jungly musk. Basically, anything that upsets girlfriends delicate noses.

(But secretly drives them wild with shag-lust)

 

9- PUTTING SOMETHING OUT OF ITS MISERY - You've "clipped" an animal

with the car and your girlfriend is upset. So you do the compassionate

thing and stamp on its skull 'till it bursts.

 

10- PARALLEL PARKING FIRST TIME - Bosh, straight in. Can Schumacher

do that? No because his cars got no reverse gear. Which, logically,

makes you the world's best driver.

 

11- TAKING A NEWSPAPER TO THE TOILET - A visual code that says:

"Thats right, I'm going in there for a huge, long, man-sized dump.

 

12- POKING A FIRE - Fire. That primordial element, which marks man

from beast and has driven every human achievement since Prometheus

stole it from the Gods. Now available in briquette form, so there's

not much to do except prod it occasionally.

 

13- DRIVING WITH YOUR ELBOW OUT THE WINDOW - The looks, the ladies,

the lifestyle - and now even the driving stance. You are Steve McQueen.

 

14- KNOWING YOURS WAS THE FIRMER HANDSHAKE - Meaningless, childish

and painful, but important.

 

15- CARVING THE ROAST - And saying "are you a leg man, or a breast

man?" to the men and "do you need stuffing?" to the ladies. Well done, you

are now your Dad.

 

[[Atomic_Bomberman]]