Gode, morsomme sitater

[Shulgin]

Greit, heng meg ikke om du ikke finner sitatene nedenfor morsomme. Jeg er fullstendig klar over at jeg har en merkelig form for humor, men jeg prøver likevel. Jeg håper uansett at folk hiver inn de morsomste sitatene de vet om eller leter opp. Kom igjen!

 

Her er noen jeg kunne fra før, samt noen jeg rotet opp på internett. Og jeg lo.

 

"Ambition is a poor excuse for not having sense enough to be lazy." --Edgar Bergen

 

"I tend to live in the past because most of my life is there." --Herb Caen

 

"An American is a man with two arms and four wheels." --A Chinese child

 

"In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move." --Douglas Adams

 

"You can't make chicken salad out of chicken shit." --Noel Long

 

"The only thing wrong with immortality is that it tends to go on forever." --Herb Caen

 

"Many years ago I chased a woman for almost two years, only to discover that her tastes were exactly like mine: we both were crazy about girls." --Groucho Marx

 

"Humans are not proud of their ancestors, and rarely invite them round to dinner." --Douglas Adams

 

"I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me." --Woody Allan

 

"I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants." --A. Whitney Brown

 

"Half of the American people have never read a newspaper. Half never voted for President. One hopes it is the same half." --Gore Vidal

 

"If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to." --Dorothy Parker

 

"Skiing combines outdoor fun with knocking down trees with your face." -- Dave Barry

 

"It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens." --Woody Allan

 

"The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don't." --Douglas Adams

 

"How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?" --Woody Allan

 

"He felt that his whole life was some kind of dream and he sometimes wondered whose it was and whether they were enjoying it." --Douglas Adams

 

"It is impossible to travel faster than the speed of light, and certainly not desirable, as one's hat keeps blowing off." --Woody Allan

 

"Electricity is actually made up of extremely tiny particles called electrons, that you cannot see with the naked eye unless you have been drinking." --Dave Barry

 

 

Ja, ja. Håper det var morsomt. :/ Hiv noe annet hvis ikke!

[TLZ]

"Utrolig at jeg vant. Jeg som stilte til valg mot fred, framgang og stabilitet"

 

-George W. Bush 14 Juni 2001

til Sveriges statsminister Gøran Persson. Uvitende at et TV-kamera fremdeles filmet ham.

(viss du vil diskutere så start en tråd i politkk delen...)

[vaskiZ]

"My mother never understood the irony of calling me a son of a bitch"

[GSM]

<kow`> "There are 10 types of people in the world... those who understand binary and those who don't."

<SpaceRain> That's only 2 types of people, kow.

<SpaceRain> STUPID

[Vectrex]

Hvis du har en paraply i ræva, ikke åpne den. -japansk ordtak-

[Jørgen Sørheim]

"The worst kind of non-smokers are the ones that come up to you and cough. That's pretty fuckin' cruel isn't it? Do you go up to cripples and dance too?" - Bill Hicks

 

"What do atheists scream when they come?" - Bill Hicks

 

"I'm tired of this back-slapping "Isn't humanity neat?" bullshit. We're a virus with shoes, okay? That's all we are. " - Bill Hicks

 

"And on the seventh day, god stepped back and said "There is my creation, perfect in every way... oh, dammit I left pot all over the place. Now they'll think I want them to smoke it... Now I have to create republicans."" - Bill Hicks

 

"A lot of Christians wear crosses around their necks. You think when Jesus comes back he ever wants to see a fuckin' cross? It's like going up to Jackie Onassis wearing a rifle pendant." - Bill Hicks

 

"People say "Iraq had the fourth largest army in the world". Yeah, maybe, but you know what, after the first 3 largest armies, there's a REAL big fuckin' drop-off. The Hare Krishnas are the 5th largest army in the world, and they've already got all our airports." - Bill Hicks

 

"People are bringing shotguns to UFO sightings in Fife, Alabama. I asked a guy, "Why do you bring a gun to a UFO sighting?" Guy said, "Way-ul, we didn' wanna be ab-duc-ted." If I lived in Fife, Alabama, I would be on my hands and knees every night praying for abduction." - Bill Hicks

 

"I have never seen two people on pot get in a fight because it is fuckin' IMPOSSIBLE. "Hey, buddy!" "Hey, what?" "Ummmmmmm...." End of argument." - Bill Hicks

 

"I love the Pope, I love seeing him in his Pope-Mobile, his three feet of bullet proof plexi-glass. That's faith in action folks! You know he's got God on his side." - Bill Hicks

 

"Did you know that if you play the New Kids On The Block record backwards, it actually sounds better." - Bill Hicks

Endret 24. mars 2004 av psilocybe

[TLZ]

"What do atheists scream when they come?" - Bill Hicks

:!:

[Proidiv]

Noen:

<Moot> ok, here's what we do

<Moot> we break into AOL HQ

<Moot> and instead of the AOL setup utility, we put metallica mp3s on all of the startup cds

 

<Ohtani> one day I will kill ever person on earth who says 'u' instead of 'u'

<Ohtani> err

<kaientai> Ohtani: Planning a suicide run?

 

<cndz> what would jesus do>

<Josh> probably get crucified and die

 

<Leaf-> Gran Turismo is hard

<Mootar> quit callin me gran turismo

 

<iMike> the bible should be rewritten to more common language

<DigDug> yeah, like c++ or perl

<D1> in comic book form

 

<SWM> if the average penis is 6"

<SWM> and the average pussy is 8" deep that means there''s about 2 miles of unused pussy in like New York

[lodott]

Siden ikke noen allerede har nevnt denne siden kan jo jeg gjøre det...

Endret 24. mars 2004 av lodott

[Fragletrollet]

<SWM> if the average penis is 6"

<SWM> and the average pussy is 8" deep that means there''s about 2 miles of unused pussy in like New York

 

[Janivars]

Es war einmal ein jugend wie hattet sein wurst verloren. Und dann fragtet er: KQnnen sie mir helfen? Ich habe mein wurst verloren ....

[sluffy]

Intervjufyr:

Støtter du dødsstraff?

 

Britney Spears:

Ja, fordi da lærer de til neste gang.

 

 

Tatt ut i fra min gode hukommelse så det er neppe helt ordrett

[Sondre^^]

"And on the seventh day, god stepped back and said "There is my creation, perfect in every way... oh, dammit I left pot all over the place. Now they'll think I want them to smoke it... Now I have to create republicans."" - Bill Hicks

den var SINNSYKT bra

 

 

jeg har også en:

 

"I'm not afraid of being taken over by computers though...because they're totally defenseless. All we need is people with hammers."

 

- Thom Yorke, en gang rundt den tida de slapp albumet Ok Computer (han er vokalisten i Radiohead, for de uinnvidde)

[pebbe]

"Folk ville blitt forbauset hvis de visste hvor dyrt det er å se så billig ut"

 

Dolly Parton

[Swifty]

Mange elektriske apparater er drevet av røyk... Når røyken kommer ut, funker det ikke lenger

 

En kar på jobben som sa det...syns da det var litt morsomt

[Jørgen Sørheim]

Litt mer, fra Dennis Miller:

 

"I would call the French scum bags, but that, of course, would be a disservice to bags filled with scum."

 

"Santa is very jolly because he knows where all the bad girls live."

 

"I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman where the Self Help section was. She said if she told me it would defeat the purpose."

 

"President Bush gave his first-ever presidential radio address in both English and Spanish. Reaction was mixed, however, as people were trying to figure out which one was which."

 

"We need anything politically important rationed out like Pez: small, sweet, and coming out of a funny, plastic head."

 

Og litt fra George Carlin:

 

"If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?"

 

"Would a fly without wings be called a walk?"

 

"Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it."

 

"If God dropped acid, would he see people?"

 

"If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?"

 

"Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?"

 

"Whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to have a "S" in it?"

[Shulgin]

Hihi. Bra, gitt.

[sluffy]

Psilocybe er herved kronet til forumets yppersteprest innenfor sitatreligionen. Han vil er nå ansvarlig at oppgaven å lære vekk sine beste sitater, samt sørge for at de vil bli brukt i riktig situasjon, blir utført. Han har også ansvaret for misjonsarbeid, og å sørge for at nykommere vil få en god Sitatisk oppdragelse

Endret 26. mars 2004 av sluffy

[monzilla]

"My new year resolution is 1024 x 768"

[ThomasL]

If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure...

-- George W. Bush...

 

denne mannen må jo være geniel....