"Is that a chair in your rectum?"

[Kowalski]

Okei, denne er hentet i sin helhet fra SA-forumet. Jeg siterer:

 

 

 

All right I was asked to share some of my stories from being a porn store clerk so here?s my first post on the SA forums?..It's rather long...

 

Picture if you will?. A balmy May evening on an otherwise perfect night. I come home from my previous job as an assistant grease scraper at a local pizza joint and I?m greeted by my dad who proceeds to tell me that I need to quit my current job? Because I now work for him?.. AT THE PORN STORE. Whawhawhat??!?!

And by the way I start tonight at midnight. Whawhawhat??!?! It?s 8 now. Oh well..

I promptly call my sow of boss and terminate my service industry career,

crash for an hour, and then meet my old man at the bar across the street from the store, where he?s been since he told me to quit my job.

 

At this point we head across the street and he gives me the grand tour of the family business? As soon as you walk in the door the smell hits you: man-funk, crack smoke & BO (or as one of my friends at the time described it: ass & cat food).

Then I notice my surroundings. Dead in front of me is poorly constructed cage made of rebar & 2x4?s. ?The Bondage Cage,? as it was dubbed, had leather masks, ball gags, riding crops & everything else a BDSM lover would need. Then off to the right of the store there?s The Leaning Tower of Anal Lube, The Wall of Rubbers, and the Sea of Porn Videos. But wait there?s more!!!! In the back of the store was the source of that smell: the adult arcade and private viewing booths. After that tour he showed me how to change the tapes for the arcade and private booths, showed me where the safe was, and explained normal clerk duties. After an hour of showing me the ropes he went back across the street to bar with only these words of wisdom: ?If anyone fucks with ya crack them with the out bat!? Out bat? I look around and notice something from my childhood leaning up against the wall by the safe covered in tape with the word OUT scrawled on it. My aluminum baseball bat!!! Now, feeling safe with my trusty ?Out Bat? at my side, I settle in for what seemed to be the most surreal 2 ½ hours of my life, surrounded by porn on top of porn. I start read a book I brought with me, From One To None by Rollins.

 

Most of the shift was pretty boring. Sell a few dildos, rent a few movies, sell some video head cleaner, and give out tokens for the arcade. Then around 3:45 I hear ?C-c-c-c-can y-you help me p-p-p-please?? coming from the doorway to the arcade. I look up from my book to see a small, completely naked black man clinging onto the wall for dear life with a chair floating behind him. It took me a moment to realize this but somehow this man had fit the leg of a plastic lawn chair (mind you these are the ones L feet on the chairs) that we had in the arcade in his ass and he couldn?t get it out. The only thing I could do was grab the ?Out Bat? and point at the door telling him to get the fuck out and take the chair with him before I beat the shit out him. He pleaded with me to help him again told once again to get out of my Happy store and I?ll call him an ambulance. Some how he got out of the back door and did call him an ambulance.

 

The call went pretty much like this.

Operator of 911: 911 emergencies how can I help?

Me: Ah yeah hi? I work at porn store and there?s a guy down here with a chair leg stuck in his ass.

 

Operator: Excuse me sir can you repeat that? Did you just say a man at you establishment his a chair stuck in his rectum and he can?t get it out?

Me: Seriously there?s a naked black guy outside my Happy store with a lawn chair in his ass!

Operator: Is he still alive?

Me: Well surprisingly yes was up and moving around. I just kicked him out of my store, he?s waiting outside for an ambulance.

Operator: You kicked him out of your store sir? Is he still there?

Me: I just Happy kicked him out! He?s not bound to get far with a chair in his ass.

Operator: All right sir we?ll send out the ambulance for him.

 

They got address and phone number & about 20 minutes later they showed up.

One of them came in the store and told me that they would have to cut the leg off so the could get him to the hospital and I wouldn?t be getting the chair back. Did this asspipe actually think I wanted the Happy chair back?!?! By this time my father has drunkenly staggered across the street from the bar to see how things were going. I asked him if he was blind and didn?t see the Happy hospital on wheels outside the store? He just nods his head and said yeah so? I then proceed to tell him about the ?naked guy? and he fell over laughing. And the only words of encouragement he could offer me after he collected himself were at least you didn?t get robbed. And the sad thing is that this (is) only one of the stories about the naked guy.

 

 

 

Ord blir vel overflødige, så :

 

:!:

[leafblade]

[DesertGlow]

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[KimNK]

råffel!

Endret 11. januar 2004 av Satrucci_

[lodott]

låll!

[MrLee]

o h m y g o d ! !

 

L O L

[Kowalski]

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Takk. Regnet med at dette var mer søppel enn humor, men det er nok en grei porsjon av begge..