GF and ex keeping contact. Opinions?

[AnonymDiskusjon]

 

Hi. Me and my gf have been together for over 5 years. She and her ex were together for 4 months, 7 years ago. He lives in a different country.

A couple of months back she told me that they stay in touch over FB messenger now and then, and that he was in town back for a visit in may. He really wanted to meet her and she was unsure wether to meet him or not. She asked me for my opinion, and I said it was strange that she wanted to meet up with him, and I asked why she wanted to. She told me it was out of curiosity and to hear how he's doing. After some thought she found out it wasn't fair to me, and that she wouldn't meet him.

 

A couple of days back I used her computer (which I do from time to time). Her facebook page was up, and so was the chat with her ex. From there I couldn't avoid seeing things that to me seemed a little suspicious, and I will admit I got more curious and checked the conversation a bit more in depth (shame on me!).

 

At the end she wrote that some days earlier she had slept in bed with her best friend (girl) on a trip. Her friend had kissed her on the forehead in the morning while she was half asleep, and she told him that she thought it was him (the ex). She further on told him that it felt good (this made me quite angry- as it indicates to me that she still thinks of him and has unresolved feelings for him). They also talked about old times when they were together, what they did, and she wrote to him that she loved him very much before when they were a couple. He replied that he really wanted to meet her and he also loved her very much.

 

She is open about having contact with him, which is, after all, a good thing. But my question is: Why does she have the urge and need to communicate with him after so many years? What should I do next? I have been thinking about this quite some time the last days, and feel pissed about the whole situation. My gut tells me she still thinks about him alot, and that is a thing I struggle to deal with.

 

Some input would be much appreciated!

 

Anonymous poster hash: 69847...85c

[Kikert]

It could be that she is a little bit tired of you after 5 years and want some excitement. It's perhaps the x that's the "easiest" way to get some excitement.

 

You could ask if she want's to have a little bit of a open relationship for a while....

[Taurean]

Discovering the truth can never be a bad thing. You should sit her down, and ask for an answer once and for all. Mostly for your own sake. Do you really want to live with this kind of uncertainty? Psychologically, it is not fair towards your own self, if you take an objective look on the situation.

 

It is likely that she is uncertain, and are having difficulty determining between you and the former love. You should be honest, tell her that you stumbled upon the conversation (on Facebook). In my past relationships, i have never had any problems with my girlfriend viewing through my personal things, although i may not have -liked- it, it has never been a problem, because a relationship is about trust. If you haven't been dishonest, there really is no reason to hide things, or get angry. So you should tell her. Also, once again, for the sake of your own conscience.

 

A relationship is much more about personal confidence than people might think. This -might- be a situation where she needs to work things out in her mind, it does not -have- to be that she still have feelings for him - but she should have worked this out -before- she got engaged with you. Starting the process of working this out in this period of time, while in a relationship with you, causes a lot of added volatility, and you must be very foresighted to deal with it.

 

Hope some of this is helpful.

Endret 24. juli 2017 av Taurean

[BuffyAnneSummers]

I dont think she is doing something she shouldnt be doing, but you need to talk to her about this. Open up to her, be honest, you fucked up and checked the conversation out and you should think about adding that bit of truth too to your conversation, she will most likely get really pissed off at you for it but she might be able to shed more light on what you actually read, and hopefully you guys will come out of it stronger with a greater sense of trust in each other. Avoid being accusatory, focus on how all of this is making you feel.