Need norwegian opinions :p

[ibizagirl]

Hello everybody,

I need your advice,

 

The short Version is:

 

My boy is Norwegian, he lives in Oslo, I live in Vienna but took an internship in Germany for 3 months to be able to go to Norway, and live with him right afterwards, like we have been dreaming of from the very beginning

 

 

My boyfriendn wanted a Break, cause we faught a lot cause I was under a lot of very bad stress, but couldnt really decide what exactlty this Break should Be like

I Asked him if i should contact ihm or not, if we should just Break up and See how it goes later, etc

 

He couldnt reply to Any of it, he doesn't wanna do anything wrong, he said,also loves me but its hard from him too, he will focus o work.

 

Today He freaked out about something i didnt do and his only Words have Been "get the fuck out of my life" (for calling his workphone, he explicitly said not to do and I didn't do it, not all unknown numbers or whatever his conclusion was built on, means it's me- I always send my number)

 

Thing is, I love him to death, and i know he loves me, and we have been together since almost 2 years now

 

What should I do?

 

I'm sad and afraid I don't want this to be our last communication. Maybe he needs more Time?

 

 

 

What do you Norwegians think?

 

 

I wanna save our relationship, he is my best friend and boyfriend, I don't wanna be without him.

 

 

Please let me know

It woukd be nice to get some replies.

Endret 24. november 2010 av ibizagirl

[Cerwell]

Why couldn't you call hes workphone?

Sounds kinda funny.

Anyway..since he told you to get out, I guess you need to work with him to get back in.

If he loves you he has a strange way of showing it.

[ibizagirl]

Cause privTe and work doesn't mix for him, I understand that by now, but I didn't call I mean I was chatting with him while all of a sudden he wrote this he says often mean things to me when he is in a bad mood or needs space.. I would wait as long as he wants if he needs time, if he would tell me not to contact him until he decided.

I feel however that he is trying to forget me to be able to make the break up easier for him.

 

Long distance relationships are a pain, but after two years we waited, and just 3 months until we actually manage to be together to hear something like that, via msn, 2 days after I asked if he loves me and he said yes, and he misses me is just WTF? I don't understand the world anymore....

 

I hurt him once, but also I, took so much bad stuff, cause I know he is a sweet guy, who is loving and alsways made me feel so good about myself, and I don't want it all to be for nothing...

 

I mean, guys broke up with me before, but this is like .. I cant even put it into words.. I don't even know if thats his way to say I wanna break up or leave me alone and ...

 

 

You norwegian guys, damn you are weird I blame it all on you!!!!

[Demonfudge]

Well, if he needs space, then let him have it. Not the end of the world if this ends, both of you will learn something from this.

 

Maybe a long distance relationship just isnt working out for him.

 

Like Thor Heyerdahl would have said it: There is alweis more mose in de førrest and øil in de see etc.

Endret 25. november 2010 av Demonfudge

[ibizagirl]

I will give him all the space he wants, if he would just tell me..

 

After 2 yrs of long distance relationship and 3 months before I could move in with him I think it might be bit late to realize he can't do it.

I know the world won't end, and of course I can find someone else and he can too, but he is special to me, he just means everything to me.. Completely different than with my previous boyfriends... For some weird reason he is a part of my heart!

I'm afraid I'll keep my hopes up while he is trying to get over me.

 

 

 

 

In case of a break up,

One more thing,

Am I crazy for wanting him to break with me to my face, or is it a common thing to break up Via SMS or msn in Norway?

 

Or do you think its something you should do face to face?

[Demonfudge]

I'd prefer to break up face to face as well, so nothing weird there, in my opinion. Not that I represent all norwegians...

 

I don't think there's much left in this relationship, if you could get a good conversation going with him, talk and decide. Allthough, after 2 years in a long distance relationship, he can still find out that things aren't working out. Doesn't matter if you live together or if he is 400000 miles away.

 

Not really a good way to break up, but perhaps he feels there is something wrong and he has a hard time talking about it.

[PerB]

Is this the same issue you took up in december 2009?

It this is an on-going problem you should let it rest. If he feels you are "hunting him down" - just let him have his freedom. You will never be able to force him into a releationship - but you might scare him away forever.

 

Lay low. Abide your time.

[Getingar]

I guess he just doesnt like you very much!

 

get the fuck out of my life

[LucarioX]

The thread has been moved from "Sosialt" to "Samliv og relasjoner". Please send me a private message if you want to comment on this action.

Tråden er flyttet fra "Sosialt" til "Samliv og relasjoner". Kommentarer på veiledning tas på PM.

[dkny]

I think he seems like a very short-tempered and stressed out person! You should find someone better, someone more mature and calm. Also, someone you know loves you.

 

Blaming you for something you didn't do shows that maybe he doesn't like you that much anymore, or he's just an idiot.

 

I don't know why you like him but he doesn't seem like a best friend - you should find a real best friend instead.

 

My boy is Norwegian, he lives in Oslo, I live in Vienna but took an internship in Germany for 3 months to be able to go to Norway, and live with him right afterwards, like we have been dreaming of from the very beginning

How old are you? If you are young I think that was a drastic thing to do... You should have followed your own dreams and plans!!

 

Never make YOUR happiness depend only on one other person...

Because you never know if he really will be there or leave you.

 

:) I learned that lesson long ago and from that on I always do my best to make the person I love love me back...but I will never do anything that depends on anyone being there for me, I'll just do all the things I want in life regardless of guys.

Endret 26. november 2010 av dkny

[Sitronsaft]

I can't imagine you've told us the half of it, the story of your relationship, that is. There could be many reasons why he'd break your relationship up this way (because it looks like a break-up). I think the most important thing for you is to get to the bottom of why he's having second thoughts. Getting our opinion on this matter won't really help at all, I think. Send him an e-mail or text message where you explain that you feel like you're entitled to an explanation. Tell him about your feelings. "Thing is, I love him to death, and i know he loves me" is a good place to start.

 

In a general note, long distance relationships probably seem stressful and "doomed from the beginning" to lots of people. Any small sign of complication could make these feelings of doubt stronger, which includes emotional trouble from either part.

 

I think the majority of Norwegian men prefer their loved ones to be honest and direct, we like things to go swiftly and effective, without too much irrelevant "bullshit".

 

You have something important to fight for. Bring it to the front (your beloved norwegian ) and quit joking around on this forum. Good luck!

[Gjest Slettet+132]

Ich persönlich, glaub das er nicht dich mehr geliebt. Lang distanze beziehungs fungiert oft nicht.

 

 

[Sitronsaft]

I don't think german is allowed in this forum, zensei.

 

Translated:

I personally think he doesn't love you any more. Long distance relationship mostly doesn't work out.

[Gjest Slettet+132]

 No, but she's from Vienna so I figured I might as well have done it.

Endret 27. november 2010 av Slettet+132

[ibizagirl]

Hey,

 

 

To start off, you are almost all right,

 

 

Regarding the problem a year ago its quite a bit different.. That was the time I had to find out he needed space

 

 

 

I'm 24 and yes I used to blame myself even though I used to know its nit me. This time getting to the point of a break was caused by me moving back to my parents after finishing the study, getting stressed, nagged on and bitched at every day, annoyed as he'll I talked to him and got annoyed by small things... I didn't notice really, I just realized now, on the break.

 

 

its half the story, but i mentioned everything relevant to this matter because thats the way it happened:

A lot of arguing and fighting, deciding to have a break, the sudden snap, and, yesterday evening, a message how bad feels about how things are now

And today for a change complete silence.

I am a person that likes to talk about things, and he doesn't. I like to know what he is up to what he is doing etc (not for spying reasons, but because I really am interested and love to hear about it)

Obviously every now and then things happen I don't mention because they aren't relevant

 

He is difficult, he needs his space every now and then, and the inky person he manages to show his very dark side to is me, and to his family (and not because he doesn't love me, but because he can be totally himself with me or his best friends since 14yrs would know it.)

 

@lemon juice I don't mean to joke around in this forum but Im just really afraid of doing the wrong things, so getting advice is something I tend to do in those situations

 

The reason why I know he loves me is that, as someone already mentioned, norwegians love honesty and I asked him id he missed me when we didn't talk and if he loved me and he said yes... In grumpy moments he would refuse saying it.

 

 

I'm just afraid I'm sitting here like a morron while he is distracting himself to make the break up easier for example

 

 

I made him a julekalender (is it what you call it? ) so maybe I'll hear from him when he gets it, until then I'll lay low

Sent him a text message today that I missed him so I did my part I think...

 

 

 

 

Thanks aaaaaa fat amount lots for all the replies

 

 

 

S

[hken]

I think it's good that you ask advice. I'm kind of in the same situation, my girlfriend is from the Philippines and the culture and way of behavior is way different. For example, the Filipino society doesn't have the same view on lying as most others do. They justify what we call lying by simply "not telling the wrong thing" - and thus (in our western/Norwegian culture) lies.

 

The definition of having a "break" can also be very different depending on where one comes from. Also from within the country. The difference between the west and the east can be quite dramatic.

 

I understand both of your sides (from what you have told me). The main reason so many people think that long distance relationship is doomed from the start is because of the uncertainty of not knowing. Simple as that. I also want to know what my girlfriend is doing and I've asked her to text me, and of course suspicion appears if she doesn't text me for 6 hours, or something else we might consider out of the ordinary happens - but is completely normal for them.

 

As for your relationship.. 2 years is quite some long time and I'm sure that things will change once (if) you actually get to live together. The uncertainty disappear and one is able so see what is going on. I think he's scared. 3 months is nothing - but it can seem like an eternity. If both of you really want the relationship to continue, try to solve the problems and have both of you keep a low profile with as little arguing as possible. From what you have told me, I would imagine you have done a great deal to be with him (by moving to Germany as an intern). It's worth a shot.

 

Hken

[ibizagirl]

You know, this is exactly my problem,

He isn't talking to me. He just doesn't answer the phone or reply to my text messages at all.

I didn't get an explanation So this uncertainty is horrible! I don't know how much longer this break is if it is a break up,

If he wants to continue etc.

 

 

 

Last time he did that in summer, when I finished my degree, no talking no nothing just I need space,

After 2 weeks (he couldn't even congratulate me for my degree...) I was so sad and down and after

studying for three years and getting your diploma the only person I wanted to share it with was him but no interest at all....

I distracted myself by talking to some guys, one in in particular (no romantic interest what so ever) because he listened and

Gave me advice and showed a lot of interest in my design projects and a stuff but that's it..

 

When my boy found out he lost it and we had weeks of arguing and fighting (it was the worst fights I have ever had in my life)

He felt betrayed, and I told him I felt alone, I wanted to share my achievements or they are worth nothing!

I also said that he can't just not talk to me or not answer the phone for an uncertsin amount of time, Without explanation apart from "I need space".

I can deal with a few days, but weeks? I told him by ignoring me he was just gonna push me away, that's why i considered opening up to this guy..

 

After all this, he does the same thing, letting me stay here in all this uncertainty. And I have all my hopes up, cause we always solved it but yeah, if it's over this time, I'll fall really hard.

 

I'm really depressed and I barely leave the house, i cant meet up with friends and going out doesn't sound good to me either. I know I should distract myself but bleah I get a bad conscious for having. A good time.

 

 

And on top of this I just received a ruter as fine.

I mean 1210kr? For bringing the wrong ticket cuz I are the noob. Pf.

Im a student lol, not a rich Norwegian...

[ibizagirl]

Great, so just as an update,

I just saw that he has 2 girls over right now, he went out yesterday and came back home late today with those 2 girls.

 

 

I'm freaking out now.

[dkny]

Great, so just as an update,

I just saw that he has 2 girls over right now, he went out yesterday and came back home late today with those 2 girls.

 

 

I'm freaking out now.

 

Poor thing. But how can you know for sure? Did someone tell you? Maybe they are his friends, havind friends of the opposite sex is very common...especially since there is two of them.

 

Anyway, I can see it's hard for you. But it is hard for everyone who is heartbroken. No matter if you live close to them or far away, being rejected is just as bad. If you have to see that special person everyday maybe it's even worse...

 

You shouldn't have done all those things for him...

[ibizagirl]

He has a webcam stream he. Sent me the link to. A few days ago and. I saw it. By accident cause I never close the windows and saw him,

Just wanted to see him for a minute cause I missed him so much until 2 girls walked into the picture.

 

He doesn't have a lot of girl lfriends, the ones he has wanna fuck him.

 

Just unpleasant since he was out all night and came home late Sunday with girls...

 

I'm not jelous, I know he won't cheat, but I sit at home crying so that he can have his time to think and he goes out distracting himself with girls...

 

Bleah. I hate this.

 

I wonder what got me so addictedly in love. In case ill be getting served, I'll keep away from you addictive race from now on