Engelsk dagbok, forbedringer?

[MST]

Hei, skal skrive en dagbok i engelsk hvor jeg skal late som jeg er en fange i en konsentrasjonsleir.

Håper noen kan se etter skrivefeil og forbedringer.

 

Dear Diary,

Today I woke up at about 7 o'clock to the sound of a German soldier who screamed 'aufsteen!' I was really tired, but after so many weeks with this I have kind of gotten used to this.

The solider was a tall man with light hair and blue eyes. I've heard something about an Aryan race, maybe he is one of these peoples?

He told us that we had to get up in just 5 minutes and this wasn't really bad time for us. Since we couldn't get some water and soap to get a wash, but we had to walk around in our own bad smell of 15 hours working every day.

Outside another day of a living hell was waiting for us, I can't really believe how a person can do this to other peoples. What did I do to deserve this? I am just a Jude, I haven't done anything wrong?

Outside we had to wait for the solider to look for every one of prisoners. This doesn’t sound so bad, but in the reality you couldn't get a more horrible start of the day. If one soldier was missing we had to stand there waiting until they found the prisoner and look at the Nazi soldiers scream and hit this person. If not just standing there for sometimes many hours wasn't bad, looking at another prisoner get hurt like this was making it really hard physical.

 

Some rumors about that Berlin would get invaded by the American and the Russian soldiers were going around in the camp.

This could mean that if I managed to survive here for some days or maybe some weeks more I had the chance of surviving. Surviving this would be wonderful; I could maybe get a chance of realizing my dreams of starting a family and study lawyer.

Today my job was to wash after the meals in the sergeant building. It’s maybe hard to understand, but this job was kind of a dream job. Washing these dirty plates mean that we could be able to get some of the food residues to eat. Compared to the food we got in the camp this was like a dream. I don’t really know many peoples in this camp, but today I met this pretty guy named “Olaf “. He told me that he was from Norway, but he managed to speak a little Polish after being here in months with polish peoples like for example me. We worked at the same place today and well, if I ever get out of this camp alive together with him I know who I want to start this new family with. It looked like he liked me too, but not understanding each other so well was a little problem. I use to say that I never get in love, but this might be the start of something.

 

The job in the sergeant house was going on the whole day so I got a lot of time together with Olaf.

He told me that he was going to Norway if he ever got out of this place and if I wanted, I could join.

So this day made me look much brighter on things, not that I started to enjoy the time here, but I was looking even more forward to maybe one day get out of this hell of a camp.

 

-Selma Ilonovisk

[Roeyskatt]

Jeg tar første avsnitt, gutta!

 

Oppdaterer etterpå.

 

 

Edit: Kjedelig å misforstå oppgaver, trekker ned ganske mye... Hvilken trinn går du på? Tipper ungdomsskolen.

 

Det er litt å ta tak i her. Prøv å formater teksten din slik at du ikke skifter linje for annenhver setning, teksten blir så oppstykket og vanskelig å lese. Det du driver med kalles hybridavsnitt, og det tror jeg ingen lærere liker. Vil helst bruke am eller pm i stedet for o'clock. Am er før middag, altså fra midnatt til klokka tolv på dagen, og pm er fra tolv på dagen til midnatt igjen. Husk tegnsetting etter 'aufsteen!', man kan ikke bare begynne direkte på ny setning. Pronomen i neste setning (Skift ut "this" på slutten med "it", det skaper bedre flyt). En s for mye i peoples, det heter people også i flertall. Dette går igjen flere ganger. I neste avsnitt, om man kan si det, er det litt vanskelig å få tak i hva du mener, lurer på om du kunne formulert deg bedre der?

 

Forslag

"We were told to get up in five minutes sharp, but this was no problem as there were no soap or water for us and we had to walk around in our own (...)"

 

Jøde på engelsk er Jew og ikke Jude.

 

"(...) every one of the prisoners" i stedet for "every one of prisoners". Her har du kanskje bare glemt et ord.

 

 

Nå rekker jeg ikke mer og triller ballen videre.

Endret 24. november 2009 av Extermination

[MST]

Takker

Er veldig viktig egentlig denne teksten...

Da jeg fikke en 5+ på ett intervju og 3+ på tentamenen da jeg hadde misforstått oppgaven.

Får jeg en ny 5+ evt. 6 kan jeg få 5 på kortet, så setter pris på all hjelp!

[MST]

Går på ungd. skolen ja

Fint om noen andre kan hjelpe også

[MST]

Retta litt på den:

 

Dear Diary,

Today I woke up at about 7am to the sound of a German soldier who screamed 'aufsteen”! I was really tired, but after so many weeks with it I have kind of gotten used to this. The solider was a tall man with light hair and blue eyes. I've heard something about an Aryan race, maybe he is one of these people?

We were told to get up in five minutes sharp, but this was no problem as there were no soap or water for us and we had to walk around in our own bad smell.

Outside another day of a living hell was waiting for us, I can't really believe how a person can do this to other peoples. What did I do to deserve this? I am just a Jew, I haven't done anything wrong? When we got out, we had to wait for the solider to look for every one of the prisoners. This doesn’t sound so bad, but in the reality you couldn't get a more horrible start of the day. If one soldier was missing we had to stand there waiting until they found the prisoner and look at the Nazi soldiers scream and hit this helpless person. If not just standing there for sometimes many hours wasn't bad, looking at another prisoner get hurt like this was making it really hard physical.

 

Some rumors about that Berlin would get invaded by the American and the Russian soldiers were going around in the camp. If this was true, it could mean that if I managed to survive here for some days or maybe some weeks more I had the chance of surviving. Surviving this would be wonderful; I could maybe get a chance of realizing my dreams of starting a family and study to become a lawyer.

 

Today my job was to wash after the meals in the sergeant building. It’s maybe hard to understand, but this job was kind of a dream job. Washing these dirty plates meant that we could be able to grab some of the food residues to eat. Compared to the food we got in the camp this food was tasting like a dream. I don’t really know many peoples in this camp, but today I met this pretty guy named “Olaf “. He told me that he was from Norway, but he managed to speak a little Polish after being here in months with polish peoples like me, for example. We worked together at the same place today and well, if I ever get out of this camp alive together with him I think I know who I want to start this new family with. I think he liked me too, but not understanding each other so well was a little problem. I use to say that I never get in love, but this might be the start of something.

 

The job in the sergeant house was going on the whole day so I got a lot of time together with Olaf.

He told me that he was going to Norway if he ever got out of this place and if I wanted, I could join. So this day made me look much brighter on things, not that I started to enjoy the time here, but I was looking even more forward to maybe one day get out of this hell of a camp.

 

-Selma Ilonovisk

[Fløyelsbøtte]

Retta litt på den:

 

Dear Diary,

Today I woke up at about 7am to the sound of a German soldier who screamed 'aufsteen”! I was really tired, but after so many weeks with it I have kind of gotten used to this. The solider was a tall man with light hair and blue eyes. I've heard something about an Aryan race, maybe he is one of these people?

We were told to get up in five minutes sharp, but this was no problem as there were no soap or water for us and we had to walk around in our own bad smell.

Outside another day of a living hell was waiting for us, I can't really believe how a person can do this to other peoples. What did I do to deserve this? I am just a Jew, I haven't done anything wrong? When we got out, we had to wait for the solider to look for every one of the prisoners. This doesn’t sound so bad, but in the reality you couldn't get a more horrible start of the day. If one soldier was missing we had to stand there waiting until they found the prisoner and look at the Nazi soldiers scream and hit this helpless person. If not just standing there for sometimes many hours wasn't bad, looking at another prisoner get hurt like this was making it really hard physical.

 

Some rumors about that Berlin would get invaded by the American and the Russian soldiers were going around in the camp. If this was true, it could mean that if I managed to survive here for some days or maybe some weeks more I had the chance of surviving. Surviving this would be wonderful; I could maybe get a chance of realizing my dreams of starting a family and study to become a lawyer.

 

Today my job was to wash after the meals in the sergeant building. It’s maybe hard to understand, but this job was kind of a dream job. Washing these dirty plates meant that we could be able to grab some of the food residues to eat. Compared to the food we got in the camp this food was tasting like a dream. I don’t really know many peoples in this camp, but today I met this pretty guy named “Olaf “. He told me that he was from Norway, but he managed to speak a little Polish after being here in months with polish peoples like me, for example. We worked together at the same place today and well, if I ever get out of this camp alive together with him I think I know who I want to start this new family with. I think he liked me too, but not understanding each other so well was a little problem. I use to say that I never get in love, but this might be the start of something.

 

The job in the sergeant house was going on the whole day so I got a lot of time together with Olaf.

He told me that he was going to Norway if he ever got out of this place and if I wanted, I could join. So this day made me look much brighter on things, not that I started to enjoy the time here, but I was looking even more forward to maybe one day get out of this hell of a camp.

 

-Selma Ilonovisk

 

Jeg orker ikke se gjennom hele teksten, men det jeg reagerte på var dette:

 

-Ulik tegnsetting før/etter "aufsteen"

- Det heter soldier, ikke solider.

- Kutt vekk en a i "of a living hell", altså blir det "of living hell"

- "I haven't done anything wrong?" Her må du ta vekk spørsmålstegnet eller omforme setningen.

[MST]

Rettet

Noe mer?

[MST]

Ingen som har noe mer å legge til?

Har rettet alt det som er nevnt så langt

[MST]

Moren min tok å så igjenom teksten og gjorde noen rettinger..

Noen som finner noe fler feil? Evt. noe jeg kan føye til?

Hun forstod ikke hva " five minutes sharp betydde...

 

Dear Diary,

Today I woke up at about 7am to the sound of a German soldier who screamed “aufsteen”! I was really tired, but after so many weeks with it I have gotten used to it. The soldier was a tall man with light hair and blue eyes. I've heard something about an Aryan race, maybe he is one of these people?

We were told to get up within five minutes, but this was no problem as there was no soap or water for us. We had to walk around in our own bad smell.

Outside another day of living hell was waiting for us. I can't really understand how a person can do this to other people. What did I do to deserve this? I am just a Jew, I haven't done anything wrong. When we got out, we had to wait for the soldier that inspected every one of the prisoners. This doesn’t sound so bad, but in the reality you couldn't get a more horrible start of the day. If one soldier was missing we had to stand there until they found the prisoner. Then we had to look at the nazi soldier screaming and hitting this helpless person. It was horrible to stand there looking at another prisoner get hurt. This was making it really hard psychical.

 

Some rumors about that Berlin would get invaded by the American and the Russian soldiers were going around in the camp. If this was true, it could mean that if I managed to survive here for some days or maybe some weeks more, I had the chance of surviving. Surviving this would be wonderful; I could maybe get a chance of realizing my dreams of starting a family and study to become a lawyer.

 

Today my job was to wash after the meals in the sergeant building. It’s maybe hard to understand, but this job was the dream job here in the camp. Washing these dirty plates meant that we could be able to get some of the food residues to eat. Compared with the food we got in the camp, this food tasted like a dream. I don’t really know many peoples in this camp, but today I met this pretty guy named “Olaf “. He told me that he was from Norway, but he managed to speak a little Polish after being here in months with all the polish peoples, like me for example. We worked together at the same place today. If I ever get out of this camp alive together with him I think I know who I want to start this new family with. I think he liked me too, even if we did not understand each other so well. I use to say that I never get in love, but this might be the start of something.

 

The job in the sergeant house was going on the whole day so I got a lot of time together with Olaf.

He told me that he was going to Norway if he ever got out of this place and if I wanted, I could join. So that day made me look much brighter on things, not that I started to enjoy the time here, but I was looking even more forward to maybe one day get out of this hell of a camp.

 

-Selma Ilonovisk

[MST]

Alt ser bra ut?

[Fløyelsbøtte]

Kutt ut forkortninger som "don't"

Skriv heller "do not"

[MST]

Oki

Rettet

[MST]

Skal leveres i morra, så fint om noen sier ifra hvis de finner fler feil, ting jeg kan føye til

[Ferendaz]

Hvis du har 10 voksne (forhåpentlig vis over uskole nivå) som har retta teksten din vil den være på et urealistisk nivå for en 9ende(?)) klassing.

En våken lærer vil se det.

 

Bare les igjennom setningene mange ganger og pass på at det er flyt og at det er mening i dem.

 

Edit: Leif

Endret 26. november 2009 av Kaktuz

[MST]

Går i 10, men har hatt utrolig lite feil på tidligere tekster..

[Ferendaz]

Går i 10, men har hatt utrolig lite feil på tidligere tekster..

 

Hvis du er sikker på at du har levert gode tekster tidligere lurer jeg på hvorfor denne ikke er like god? =)

[MST]

Fordi det var noen småfeil som hindra meg fra en 6'r..

Så vil ikke gjøre samme feilen igjen

[Fløyelsbøtte]

Der har nå vært ganske mange feil i teksten da, men.

Kan jeg spørre hva ariske Olaf fra Norge gjør i konsentrasjonsleiren for jøder?

[MST]

Olaf er da ikke arisk?

Det er soldaten som vekker dem

Endret 26. november 2009 av MST

[Fløyelsbøtte]

I don’t really know many peoples in this camp, but today I met this pretty guy named “Olaf “. He told me that he was from Norway, but he managed to speak a little Polish after being here in months with all the polish peoples, like me for example.

 

Er han ikke arisk dersom han kommer fra Norge?