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[DaXoN]

Jeg er veldig ny på dette har ikke skrevet noe ordentlig før og dette skrev jeg bare ut ifra luften mens jeg sitter her og tenker....

 

Er litt mye og lese men tar en 5min og håper på litt kritik *ikke alt får hard:P don't crush me* ^^ tilbake

 

Hi my name is **** its the last day of the tournament today and the fate of the world is over me I have never felt this kind of pressure before, I think I must go back some time for this to make sense for you.

 

It all started about 1 year ago, it was a normal day on my high school around lunch time, like always I was sitting alone at my table without friends and someone to talk to with people around me talking smiling and having fun, but not me.

 

This was mainly because my father was judge to 10-15 year of prison after killing several people and hurting even more trying to escape from a bank robbery. They Captured him 2 days afterwards with no money so now my family is hated all over England and he is in jail refusing to tell were the money is wile the rest of the nation think me and my family knows were it is.

 

Enough of that I forgot to introduce me like I said my name is **** I am 20 year old from England currently living in Dublin with my mom and little sister **** she is only 12, we are just like normal families we work go to school breath and live our days 1 day at the time but this day was difference for me,

 

3 hours later I was walking home to my house I went inside and like always my mother was nervous about my school and asked me how my day was, I did what I always do I gave her a hug said it was a ok day before I made myself some food and went for my room.

 

It was only 2 hours after that it happened, I was sitting in my bed watching TV when this bright light of colours filled the room and that’s I can remember.

 

Chapter 1: The ship

 

I woke up after a mere hours in a room just like my owned the same bed the same Colours even the same magazines TV program and smell, but something was different.

All of a sudden it was no window, and a brand new door instead of the old I used to have.

 

I walked outside the door just to find a large corridor with more doors just like mine and the feeling that the entire place was moving, suddenly I heard a notice someone was walking over to me closer and closer, I walked over to the sound only to find a older man.

 

Good you are Awake he said wile he smiled to me,

My name is **** I am the captain aboard this “ship” sorry for not asking you to join but we can’t risk you saying no you se,

 

No? no to what? You are the Elected to join for the tournament in the Galactic fight,

The Galactic fight? What is that,

You are joking now right he watched me with a disturbance look on his face.

 

Well I am not joking and I have no idea what you are talking about now can you explain why you Bring me on your “ship” without asking me and than say I am to fight in some kind of tournament,

 

Follow me he said and started to walk away, I walked after to se this Galactic fight he was talking about was.

 

After a few minutes we arrived in a big room, I looked like a meeting room with chairs around a big table a TV and all kinds of Equipment a meeting room normally have.

 

Sit down and Ill explain to you what the tournament is all about and pointed at the TV standing in the middle of the room,

[Ekko]

Jeg kunne godt tenke meg å vite hvordan det går videre, men det er et par ting som irriterer meg litt:

 

***** istedenfor navn. Sett inn navn om de så er fake.

My gramatiske feil. Tegnsettingen er nesten fraværende som gjør denne teksten vanskelig å lese.

Engelsken er ikke helt topp. Du bruker en del ord og utrykk litt feil. Sammen med manglende tegnsetting gjør det lesbarheten av teksten ganske dårlig.

Det er også noen ord som er skrevet feil eller utelatt.

Dialogen kunne gjerne vært litt bedre delt opp emd tegnsetting og nye linjer slik at man lettere frostår hvem som sier hva.

 

Andre småting slik som:

 

No? no to what? You are the Elected to join for the tournament in the Galactic fight,

The Galactic fight? What is that,

You are joking now right he watched me with a disturbance look on his face.

 

Well I am not joking and I have no idea what you are talking about now can you explain why you Bring me on your “ship” without asking me and than say I am to fight in some kind of tournament,

 

Han nevnte da ikke noe om en turnering, bare en kamp.

 

Hi my name is **** its the last day of the tournament today and the fate of the world is over me I have never felt this kind of pressure before, I think I must go back some time for this to make sense for you.

Du kunne gjerne hatt litt mer stemningsbeskrivelse her. Jeg ser for meg hva du prøver på, men føler det ikke funker helt ettersom du ikke greier å skape en stemining i øyeblikket du er i, før du ser deg tilbake.

 

 

Enough of that I forgot to introduce me like I said my name is **** I am 20 year old from England currently living in Dublin with my mom and little sister

 

Det går an å være fra England og bo i Dublin, så det er ikke feil, men du vet at Dublin ikke er i England?

[DaXoN]

No? no to what? You are the Elected to join for the tournament in the Galactic fight,

The Galactic fight? What is that,

You are joking now right he watched me with a disturbance look on his face.

 

Well I am not joking and I have no idea what you are talking about now can you explain why you Bring me on your “ship” without asking me and than say I am to fight in some kind of tournament,

 

 

Han nevnte da ikke noe om en turnering, bare en kamp.

Han nevnte noe om en turnering vis du ser på det jeg har laget i boldt over meg

ser at jeg kunne delt dette opp men som sagt skrev fort / og har dysleksi derfor skriver litt feil : )

 

 

 

Hi my name is **** its the last day of the tournament today and the fate of the world is over me I have never felt this kind of pressure before, I think I must go back some time for this to make sense for you.

 

Du kunne gjerne hatt litt mer stemningsbeskrivelse her. Jeg ser for meg hva du prøver på, men føler det ikke funker helt ettersom du ikke greier å skape en stemining i øyeblikket du er i, før du ser deg tilbake.

 

Jeg kommer nok til og lage en dypere begynnelse og finpusse på den dette var bare et kjapt utkast:) men ser hva du mener

 

 

Enough of that I forgot to introduce me like I said my name is **** I am 20 year old from England currently living in Dublin with my mom and little sister

 

 

Det går an å være fra England og bo i Dublin, så det er ikke feil, men du vet at Dublin ikke er i England?

 

faktis så var jeg ikke sikker xD hehe min geografi er = bad

 

 

Når det kommer til navnen har jeg ikke lyst og lage noen fake navn egentlig fram til jeg finner noe jeg kan bruke ordentlig:) kan være jeg gjør det men føler ikke det er rett og gjøre får min del enda,

 

Men alltid bra med tilbakemeldinger kommer til og finpusse på engelsken / skrivingen og alt det senere men ikke så enkelt og gjøre det allerede nå får meg, men bra du ville vite hvordan det kommer videre skal prøve og finnpusse mere på det

Endret 10. september 2008 av DaXoN

[Ekko]

No? no to what? You are the Elected to join for the tournament in the Galactic fight,

The Galactic fight? What is that,

You are joking now right he watched me with a disturbance look on his face.

 

Well I am not joking and I have no idea what you are talking about now can you explain why you Bring me on your “ship” without asking me and than say I am to fight in some kind of tournament,

 

 

Han nevnte da ikke noe om en turnering, bare en kamp.

Han nevnte noe om en turnering vis du ser på det jeg har laget i boldt over meg

ser at jeg kunne delt dette opp men som sagt skrev fort / og har dysleksi derfor skriver litt feil : )

 

Min feil.

[DaXoN]

en liten bump ^^ jeg vet det er litt mye og litt dårlig skrevet tenker mere på Historien så langt